# airplane mechanics with a sense of humor **URL:** \ **Category:** NYSpeed Off Topic\ **Created:** [April 22, 2010, 11:46am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/airplane-mechanics-with-a-sense-of-humor/153806 "2010-04-22T11:46:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![NYstanger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/6a8cbe/32.png) [@NYstanger](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/NYstanger)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 11:46am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/airplane-mechanics-with-a-sense-of-humor/153806/1 "2010-04-22T11:46:53Z")
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ’ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit S: Something tightened in cockpit P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That’s what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you’re right P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. ---
**Author:** ![JMEZZI](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@JMEZZI](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/JMEZZI)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 11:55am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/airplane-mechanics-with-a-sense-of-humor/153806/2 "2010-04-22T11:55:21Z")
hahaha ---
**Author:** ![XwalkerX](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/xwalkerx/32/7598_2.png) [@XwalkerX](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/XwalkerX)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 11:58am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/airplane-mechanics-with-a-sense-of-humor/153806/3 "2010-04-22T11:58:45Z")
im literally lolling right now. ---
**Author:** ![turbociv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@turbociv](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/turbociv)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 12:00pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/airplane-mechanics-with-a-sense-of-humor/153806/4 "2010-04-22T12:00:47Z")
i lol’d at a few. ---
**Author:** ![brilliantyellowg60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6f9a4e/32.png) [@brilliantyellowg60](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/brilliantyellowg60)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 12:01pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/airplane-mechanics-with-a-sense-of-humor/153806/5 "2010-04-22T12:01:51Z")
those were good ---
**Author:** ![Tunerfreak](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/tunerfreak/32/7427_2.png) [@Tunerfreak](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Tunerfreak)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 12:05pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/airplane-mechanics-with-a-sense-of-humor/153806/6 "2010-04-22T12:05:33Z")
> [@NYstanger"](#): > > P: Something loose in cockpit > S: Something tightened in cockpit > > P: Dead bugs on windshield. > S: Live bugs on back-order. > > P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. > S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. > > P: Number 3 engine missing. > S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. > > P: Mouse in cockpit. > S: Cat installed. > > P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. > S: Took hammer away from midget. those are my favorite especially the ones about the midget lol!! ---
**Author:** ![TrueBlue](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/trueblue/32/7245_2.png) [@TrueBlue](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/TrueBlue)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 12:11pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/airplane-mechanics-with-a-sense-of-humor/153806/7 "2010-04-22T12:11:54Z")
Commercial airliners have IFF? ---
**Author:** ![Z28pr0jekt](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/z28pr0jekt/32/5393_2.png) [@Z28pr0jekt](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Z28pr0jekt)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 12:49pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/airplane-mechanics-with-a-sense-of-humor/153806/8 "2010-04-22T12:49:17Z")
I’m trying really hard not to laugh in class right now haha ---
**Author:** ![MaximaSE98](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/maximase98/32/7600_2.png) [@MaximaSE98](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/MaximaSE98)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 12:53pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/airplane-mechanics-with-a-sense-of-humor/153806/9 "2010-04-22T12:53:06Z")
i was LOLing at work…some were pretty good… ---
**Author:** ![cougarspeed](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/cougarspeed/32/7468_2.png) [@cougarspeed](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/cougarspeed)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 12:59pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/airplane-mechanics-with-a-sense-of-humor/153806/10 "2010-04-22T12:59:07Z")
> [@TrueBlue](#): > > Commercial airliners have IFF? Yes ---
**Author:** ![Motocrossx23](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/motocrossx23/32/5120_2.png) [@Motocrossx23](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Motocrossx23)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 1:59pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/airplane-mechanics-with-a-sense-of-humor/153806/11 "2010-04-22T13:59:50Z")
Hahaha that’s funny ---
**Author:** ![Paulo](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/paulo/32/7328_2.png) [@Paulo](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Paulo)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 2:06pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/airplane-mechanics-with-a-sense-of-humor/153806/12 "2010-04-22T14:06:31Z")
Pretty good. I wonder how the Pilots liked those responses. lol ---
**Author:** ![Bacon](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/bacon/32/7230_2.png) [@Bacon](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Bacon)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 2:08pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/airplane-mechanics-with-a-sense-of-humor/153806/13 "2010-04-22T14:08:04Z")
I wish I could put that kind of stuff in maintenance forms here. ---
**Author:** ![Anonymity](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/anonymity/32/7215_2.png) [@Anonymity](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Anonymity)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 2:22pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/airplane-mechanics-with-a-sense-of-humor/153806/14 "2010-04-22T14:22:07Z")
> [@TrueBlue](#): > > Commercial airliners have IFF? > [@cougarspeed](#): > > Yes I was going to post that… they have some mode’s not all of them > [@Paulo](#): > > Pretty good. I wonder how the Pilots liked those responses. lol When we write something up, you really dont see the MAF until the next time you fly and it is up to the crew to review them > [@Bacon](#): > > I wish I could put that kind of stuff in maintenance forms here. those are all jokes, the have been around since captain crunch was a deck hand. ---
**Author:** ![n20junkie](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/n20junkie/32/7396_2.png) [@n20junkie](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/n20junkie)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 3:42pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/airplane-mechanics-with-a-sense-of-humor/153806/15 "2010-04-22T15:42:14Z")
Its old, but inaccurate. These are Airforce squaks, as UPS doesn’t have Mode 4 IFF transponders or Targeting Radar on the cargo birds. Commercial aircraft DO NO have IFF transponders. That is a secure code loaded with a KYK-13, ANCD or a SKL… That are controlled more so than firearms in the military, and the codes come direct from FORSCOM or the regional command. Standard ARINC civilian transponders have mod A (your 4 digit code) and mode C (your altitude in pressure altitude) and some are mode S (your aircraft identification number in the FAA database). P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. ---
**Author:** ![cougarspeed](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/cougarspeed/32/7468_2.png) [@cougarspeed](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/cougarspeed)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 3:58pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/airplane-mechanics-with-a-sense-of-humor/153806/16 "2010-04-22T15:58:20Z")
LOL I used to have to load IFF into a radar from an ancd every day. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![n20junkie](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/n20junkie/32/7396_2.png) [@n20junkie](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/n20junkie)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2010, 5:29am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/airplane-mechanics-with-a-sense-of-humor/153806/17 "2010-04-23T05:29:32Z")
I wana beat up an ANCD like that FAX machine in Office Space. They now have a SKL, Simple Key Loader that is supposed to make it a much easier process. Its so fucked up we force the Tacops officer to do it all himself cause you can’t find any of the correct keys. The old KYK-13’s were the shit, plug, select a switch 1-13 and press a send button. ---
**Author:** ![Bacon](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/bacon/32/7230_2.png) [@Bacon](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Bacon)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2010, 5:53am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/airplane-mechanics-with-a-sense-of-humor/153806/18 "2010-04-23T05:53:47Z")
> [@Anonymity](#): > > those are all jokes, the have been around since captain crunch was a deck hand. When a pilot put down “Weather radar not operational in standby” last week I had a mental :picard: moment. ---
**Author:** ![boxxa](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/boxxa/32/5045_2.png) [@boxxa](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/boxxa)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2010, 6:16am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/airplane-mechanics-with-a-sense-of-humor/153806/19 "2010-04-23T06:16:44Z")
Haha some of those were pretty good. ---
**Author:** ![Willybeen](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/willybeen/32/7351_2.png) [@Willybeen](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Willybeen)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2010, 6:44am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/airplane-mechanics-with-a-sense-of-humor/153806/20 "2010-04-23T06:44:15Z")
im not rolling, but some of them were pretty good.