# and then the fight started... **URL:** \ **Category:** NYSpeed Off Topic\ **Created:** [January 12, 2009, 7:07am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/and-then-the-fight-started/61156 "2009-01-12T07:07:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BlackedOut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@BlackedOut](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/BlackedOut)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 7:07am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/and-then-the-fight-started/61156/1 "2009-01-12T07:07:45Z")
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?” “No,” she answered. I then said, “Is that your final answer?” She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying “Yes.” So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.” And that’s when the fight started… I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?” It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?” And that’s when the fight started… Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, ‘The weather out there is terrible.’ My loving wife of 10 years replied, ‘Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?’ & And then the fight started … A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man ‘Holy \*\*\*\*. That must be my husband!’ So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, ‘I AM your husband!’ The woman yelled back, ‘Yeah, then why were you running?’ And then the fight started… I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And then the fight started… A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’ The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’ And then the fight started… I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. “I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.” He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”" Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started… My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’ ‘Yes,’ I sighed, 'She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’ ‘My God!’ said my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’ And then the fight started… After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt.’ So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.’ And then the fight started… When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive… so, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started… My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.’ I bought her a scale. And then the fight started… ---
**Author:** ![newman](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/newman/32/7569_2.png) [@newman](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/newman)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 7:10am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/and-then-the-fight-started/61156/2 "2009-01-12T07:10:43Z")
I smiled for about half of them. ---
**Author:** ![2TurboZ](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/2turboz/32/7577_2.png) [@2TurboZ](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/2TurboZ)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 7:11am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/and-then-the-fight-started/61156/3 "2009-01-12T07:11:43Z")
HAHA…some of those are pretty good. ---
**Author:** ![70Mach1](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/70mach1/32/5323_2.png) [@70Mach1](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/70Mach1)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 7:28am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/and-then-the-fight-started/61156/4 "2009-01-12T07:28:07Z")
Those are awesome man, reading them definitly brightened the work day ---
**Author:** ![camarojoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@camarojoe](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/camarojoe)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 7:53am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/and-then-the-fight-started/61156/5 "2009-01-12T07:53:42Z")
Nice. ---
**Author:** ![ILC](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/ilc/32/5337_2.png) [@ILC](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/ILC)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 8:03am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/and-then-the-fight-started/61156/6 "2009-01-12T08:03:28Z")
While during sex. She turned over and asked " why do you look at me when we are having sex". I replied “if I close my eyes and think about another girl I’ll go to fast.” And that’s when the fight started… Actual true story I got punched in the nuts for that one ---
**Author:** ![system](https://canada1.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/uploads/speedlife/original/2X/b/b7170c8eddc0b95ece6b88172b2f416a08489a45.png) [@system](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/system)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 8:06am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/and-then-the-fight-started/61156/7 "2009-01-12T08:06:28Z")
good stuff. :tup: ---
**Author:** ![SOLITUDE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@SOLITUDE](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/SOLITUDE)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 8:10am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/and-then-the-fight-started/61156/8 "2009-01-12T08:10:43Z")
God if i said any of this shit to the woman i would not see her for a week lol Goood Read:tup: ---
**Author:** ![Pauly](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/pauly/32/7493_2.png) [@Pauly](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Pauly)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 8:28am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/and-then-the-fight-started/61156/9 "2009-01-12T08:28:03Z")
LOL ---
**Author:** ![L8APEX1](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/l8apex1/32/7276_2.png) [@L8APEX1](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/L8APEX1)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 8:41am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/and-then-the-fight-started/61156/10 "2009-01-12T08:41:35Z")
> [@SuzukiFreek](#): > > God if i said any of this shit to the woman i would not see her for a week lol thats a good idea ---
**Author:** ![boxxa](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/boxxa/32/5045_2.png) [@boxxa](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/boxxa)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 8:47am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/and-then-the-fight-started/61156/11 "2009-01-12T08:47:31Z")
The last one is my favorite. ---
**Author:** ![misteroman](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/misteroman/32/7423_2.png) [@misteroman](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/misteroman)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 8:49am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/and-then-the-fight-started/61156/12 "2009-01-12T08:49:52Z")
lol Was reading them to 9 month prego wifey.She didn’t find them nearly as funny as I did!!! ---
**Author:** ![Freek](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/freek/32/7357_2.png) [@Freek](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Freek)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 8:51am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/and-then-the-fight-started/61156/13 "2009-01-12T08:51:07Z")
so i finally get around to checking NYSpeed today. I see this thread i laughed being married and all. So i decided to share the jokes with my wife… and then the fight started… true story ---
**Author:** ![chino](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bcef8e/32.png) [@chino](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/chino)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 8:58am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/and-then-the-fight-started/61156/14 "2009-01-12T08:58:36Z")
started out strong bout half way through they got pretty weak though :tif: ---
**Author:** ![LUKE\_L](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/luke_l/32/7462_2.png) [@LUKE\_L](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/LUKE_L)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 9:18am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/and-then-the-fight-started/61156/15 "2009-01-12T09:18:33Z")
‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect…’ Haha, that’s my favorite one.