# Best Smartass remarks of 2005 **URL:** \ **Category:** NYSpeed Off Topic\ **Created:** [June 4, 2006, 11:19am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/best-smartass-remarks-of-2005/12879 "2006-06-04T11:19:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Daddie](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/daddie/32/7621_2.png) [@Daddie](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Daddie)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 11:19am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/best-smartass-remarks-of-2005/12879/1 "2006-06-04T11:19:46Z")
TOP 5 SMART ASS ANSWERS FOR 2005 …according to Reader’s Digest: Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, instead he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat…she said, “Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.” Smart Ass Answer #4: A lady was shopping for a turkey at the grocery store, but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied," No ma’am they’re dead." Smart Ass Answer #3: The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. “I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said. The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.” When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. Smart Ass Answer #2: A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, “Low Bridge Ahead.” Before he knows it, the bridge is right Ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks up to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck, huh?” The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.” AND NOW…FOR THE…BEST ONE…#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2005 … A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. “Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!” A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?” The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is finally restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand. ---
**Author:** ![Bigairskier1580](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/bigairskier1580/32/7612_2.png) [@Bigairskier1580](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Bigairskier1580)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 11:28am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/best-smartass-remarks-of-2005/12879/2 "2006-06-04T11:28:30Z")
LOL!!! ---
**Author:** ![PsngrSeatsR4Boys](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/psngrseatsr4boys/32/3078_2.png) [@PsngrSeatsR4Boys](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/PsngrSeatsR4Boys)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 11:33am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/best-smartass-remarks-of-2005/12879/3 "2006-06-04T11:33:08Z")
#1 lol ---
**Author:** ![2TurboZ](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/2turboz/32/7577_2.png) [@2TurboZ](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/2TurboZ)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 12:11pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/best-smartass-remarks-of-2005/12879/4 "2006-06-04T12:11:46Z")
the last one is awesome lol ---
**Author:** ![Bacon](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/bacon/32/7230_2.png) [@Bacon](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Bacon)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 12:26pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/best-smartass-remarks-of-2005/12879/5 "2006-06-04T12:26:12Z")
Hahaha ---
**Author:** ![JDMR2](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/jdmr2/32/7587_2.png) [@JDMR2](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/JDMR2)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 2:24pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/best-smartass-remarks-of-2005/12879/6 "2006-06-04T14:24:14Z")
#2 FTW ---
**Author:** ![intense98rt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/77aa72/32.png) [@intense98rt](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/intense98rt)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 2:36pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/best-smartass-remarks-of-2005/12879/7 "2006-06-04T14:36:49Z")
lol… i love being a smart ass, altho my gf doesnt like it ---
**Author:** ![Fry](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/fry/32/7284_2.png) [@Fry](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Fry)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 8:22pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/best-smartass-remarks-of-2005/12879/8 "2006-06-04T20:22:02Z")
Didn’t one of the evo guys on the board pull a #3? I seem to remember a post about it… EDIT: [http://www.nyspeed.com/forums/showthread.php?t=7955&highlight=officer](http://www.nyspeed.com/forums/showthread.php?t=7955&highlight=officer) ---
**Author:** ![focusinprogress](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/focusinprogress/32/7227_2.png) [@focusinprogress](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/focusinprogress)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 8:24pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/best-smartass-remarks-of-2005/12879/9 "2006-06-04T20:24:45Z")
yeah wasnt that tkkleman? ---
**Author:** ![RedDawg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/dfb087/32.png) [@RedDawg](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/RedDawg)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 8:36pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/best-smartass-remarks-of-2005/12879/10 "2006-06-04T20:36:22Z")
i think the fact that Howie reads Reader’s Digest is the funniest part ---
**Author:** ![73ghia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/7/8baadc/32.png) [@73ghia](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/73ghia)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 9:12pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/best-smartass-remarks-of-2005/12879/11 "2006-06-04T21:12:48Z")
THe truck one is stolen from Bill Engvall’s “Here’s your Sign” routine. ---
**Author:** ![AlbinoMonkeyRat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bb73d2/32.png) [@AlbinoMonkeyRat](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/AlbinoMonkeyRat)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 9:22pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/best-smartass-remarks-of-2005/12879/12 "2006-06-04T21:22:04Z")
Reader’s Digest is a good magazine. because if it, my credit score is well over 650. Anywho, about the jokes. OLDER than 2005 but funny as hell!! ---
**Author:** ![Bacon](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/bacon/32/7230_2.png) [@Bacon](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Bacon)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 9:35pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/best-smartass-remarks-of-2005/12879/13 "2006-06-04T21:35:39Z")
Indeed, and quite entertaining sometimes too.