# For those of you who slept through World History 101
**URL:** https://forums.speedlife.net/t/for-those-of-you-who-slept-through-world-history-101/239929
**Category:** Shift518 Off Topic
**Created:** [November 2, 2008, 10:28pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/for-those-of-you-who-slept-through-world-history-101/239929 "2008-11-02T22:28:15Z")
**Posts on this page:** 19
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Jammer](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Jammer)
#### Post date: [November 2, 2008, 10:28pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/for-those-of-you-who-slept-through-world-history-101/239929/1 "2008-11-02T22:28:15Z")
For those of you who slept through World History 101, here is a condensed version.
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were:
1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer, and the beer to the man.
These facts formed the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
3. Liberals
4. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ’s and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, the evolution of the Hollywood actor, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide all the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French foods are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, firemen, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today’s lesson in world history.
It should be noted that a liberal (you know who you are) may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above; to defend their untenable position.
A conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers, and to more liberals … just to get them angry. :nana
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### Author:  [@Mk4\_30R\_Ban](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Mk4_30R_Ban)
#### Post date: [November 2, 2008, 10:32pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/for-those-of-you-who-slept-through-world-history-101/239929/2 "2008-11-02T22:32:04Z")
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### Author:  [@Mk4\_30R\_Ban](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Mk4_30R_Ban)
#### Post date: [November 2, 2008, 10:34pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/for-those-of-you-who-slept-through-world-history-101/239929/3 "2008-11-02T22:34:13Z")
i read the first half and couldnt wait to post my LOLLERSHUTTLE
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### Author:  [@LKSi](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/LKSi)
#### Post date: [November 2, 2008, 10:35pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/for-those-of-you-who-slept-through-world-history-101/239929/4 "2008-11-02T22:35:13Z")
I read the whole thing and couldn’t wait to post the LOLCANO
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### Author:  [@Alpine](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Alpine)
#### Post date: [November 2, 2008, 10:37pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/for-those-of-you-who-slept-through-world-history-101/239929/5 "2008-11-02T22:37:34Z")
That’s too funny. :haha
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### Author:  [@Cliff](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Cliff)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2008, 5:33am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/for-those-of-you-who-slept-through-world-history-101/239929/6 "2008-11-03T05:33:54Z")
Here’s your big-game hunting, domestic beer drinking conservatives.
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### Author:  [@Shawn96VR-4](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Shawn96VR-4)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2008, 5:35am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/for-those-of-you-who-slept-through-world-history-101/239929/7 "2008-11-03T05:35:35Z")
Somewhere in there was a watch moving back and forth saying: VOTE FOR MCCAIN
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### Author:  [@votblindub](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/votblindub)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2008, 5:37am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/for-those-of-you-who-slept-through-world-history-101/239929/8 "2008-11-03T05:37:57Z")
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### Author:  [@Allstar\_Graphics](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Allstar_Graphics)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2008, 5:42am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/for-those-of-you-who-slept-through-world-history-101/239929/9 "2008-11-03T05:42:29Z")
lol, i read this a while ago, but thanks for bringing it back. liberals.hhaha :haha
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### Author:  [@JClark](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/JClark)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2008, 6:48am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/for-those-of-you-who-slept-through-world-history-101/239929/10 "2008-11-03T06:48:21Z")
> [@Shawn96VR-4](#):
>
> Somewhere in there was a watch moving back and forth saying: VOTE FOR MCCAIN
WOW POT MEET KETTLE! :rofl
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### Author:  [@Shawn96VR-4](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Shawn96VR-4)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2008, 6:51am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/for-those-of-you-who-slept-through-world-history-101/239929/11 "2008-11-03T06:51:44Z")
I didn’t say vote for Obama. I just said McCain is old/retarded and Palin is an annoying disgusting dirty cunt. Not my fault the two-party system exists. 🙂
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### Author:  [@psi2high](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/psi2high)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2008, 8:24am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/for-those-of-you-who-slept-through-world-history-101/239929/12 "2008-11-03T08:24:24Z")
Thats a good read
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### Author:  [@6SPD\_S4](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/6SPD_S4)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2008, 8:28am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/for-those-of-you-who-slept-through-world-history-101/239929/13 "2008-11-03T08:28:30Z")
That’s entirely too much for me to read
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### Author:  [@votblindub](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/votblindub)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2008, 8:30am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/for-those-of-you-who-slept-through-world-history-101/239929/14 "2008-11-03T08:30:52Z")
> [@Globe1280](#):
>
> That’s entirely too much for me to read
oh come on, its funny. make an effort
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### Author:  [@6SPD\_S4](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/6SPD_S4)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2008, 8:31am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/for-those-of-you-who-slept-through-world-history-101/239929/15 "2008-11-03T08:31:37Z")
okok. i guess :lol
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### Author:  [@K20power](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/K20power)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2008, 8:41am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/for-those-of-you-who-slept-through-world-history-101/239929/16 "2008-11-03T08:41:42Z")
I’m in world history 101 right now at Siena!!
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### Author:  [@votblindub](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/votblindub)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2008, 8:43am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/for-those-of-you-who-slept-through-world-history-101/239929/17 "2008-11-03T08:43:31Z")
sleeping thru it? LOL
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### Author:  [@Jammer](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Jammer)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2008, 3:38pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/for-those-of-you-who-slept-through-world-history-101/239929/18 "2008-11-03T15:38:10Z")
> [@Shawn96VR-4](#):
>
> Somewhere in there was a watch moving back and forth saying: VOTE FOR MCCAIN
Why…it started to sway ya? ya felt it? yay Shawn
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### Author:  [@Wayne64SS](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Wayne64SS)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2008, 6:21pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/for-those-of-you-who-slept-through-world-history-101/239929/19 "2008-11-03T18:21:31Z")
awesome post. i actually loled a few times. :crackup