# Funniest Story Ever... **URL:** \ **Category:** NYSpeed Off Topic\ **Created:** [May 29, 2007, 7:01am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funniest-story-ever/30050 "2007-05-29T07:01:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![66impalass](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/66impalass/32/7429_2.png) [@66impalass](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/66impalass)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2007, 7:01am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funniest-story-ever/30050/1 "2007-05-29T07:01:57Z")
And more proof that Darwin will destroy FL soon > [@Bill](#): > > Well it’s been another 12 hour day of work and I’m heading home. Look at the fuel gauge, I’m getting pretty low, figure I’ll swing by the Shell Station once I get off of 75. Fast forward an hour and I’m at the pump. I pick 93, stick 'er in, and figure while I’m at it I might as well check the oil and tire pressure. Well everything checks out fine so I hop back in the car and drive away. > _POP_ > I run over a damn soda can. Oh well, I continue along. So there I am, tired and ready to grab some dinner, but for some reason everyone and their mother is honking at some jackass in front of me. > _HONK_ _HONK_ _HONK_ > What the hell? Bleh, I continue driving along. > _HONK_ _HONK_ _HONK_ > Seriously, what the hell? > _HONK_ _HONK_ _HONK_ > Some girl suddenly pulls up beside me. I’ve no A/C so the windows are down. I can hear her yell, “Did you do it on purpose!!!” Umm…do what? What the hell is going on? I ignore it and continue home. I’ve gone about a mile by this point and am getting close to home. But apparently she’s not the last of my visitors. Next comes a station wagon. This time the conversation topic becomes clearer as the guy leans out and says, “Son I believe you’ve got a gas pump hanging off your car.” **HOLY SHIT!!!** I Shoot into the turn lane, make a right, and skid to a stop. I get out and sure enough, there she is, hanging from car, a bright shiny gas nozzle and about five foot of hose. Yes folks I am that idiot you never thought you’d know. I am the man who drives away without bothering to perform that one critical step in the fueling process, removing the gas nozzle. > > So as you can probably tell, I didn’t run over a soda can. No, the _POP_ I heard was me ripping the gas line out of the pump as I drove away. The honks that filled the night weren’t directed at some jackass in front of me but at the jackass **in** my car. What a damned night… > > Oh, and yes, I did return it. Talk about one hell of an embarrassing moment. You try walking into a gas station holding a pump handle and a reel of hose. Try and hold your head up high then. It’s difficult. > > EDIT (From page three, just putting it here to try and keep it all together): > > So I guess you all want to know what happened when I returned it eh? Well on the drive back I was followed the entire way by a cop car. I got pretty nervous and started thinking that the cops had been called to the “scene of the crime.” Ended up getting stopped at a light before the turn into the Shell station. This gave me plenty of time to sweat over what the officer behind me was going to do. Lucky for me we both turned into the Shell station but I headed for the “office” and he headed for the pumps. Whew… > > With that out of the way, I reached onto the passenger side, curled up the hose, got out of the car, and walked in to face the music. I went over to the counter and before I could say a word, the lady looks at the kill I have in my hands and says, “So you’re the one who ran off with our hose.” I was too damned embarrassed to say much more than, “Yup.” So she proceeds to take the hose from me and place it in some bright yellow bag with warnings on it. Of course by now everyone is staring at me. Great. I nervously bring out my wallet and ask, “How much do I owe for damages?” She just shakes her head and tells me, “Don’t worry about it.” Relieved, I blurt out, “I bet this happens too often right??” She stares me down and tells me, “Sometimes people accidentally pull them off, but no one ever drives away with 'em.” Before things get any more embarrassing I apologize to her again and quickly leave. I somehow manage to leave the gas station this time without trailing a fuel hose behind me. Imagine that! Source: [http://www.tampaforums.com/forums/free-4-all/yes-friends-i-am-dumbass-112913/](http://www.tampaforums.com/forums/free-4-all/yes-friends-i-am-dumbass-112913/) ---
**Author:** ![newman](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/newman/32/7569_2.png) [@newman](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/newman)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2007, 7:05am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funniest-story-ever/30050/2 "2007-05-29T07:05:14Z")
i kept waiting for some punchline or something funny, but there wasn’t one. ---
**Author:** ![66impalass](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/66impalass/32/7429_2.png) [@66impalass](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/66impalass)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2007, 7:17am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funniest-story-ever/30050/3 "2007-05-29T07:17:34Z")
read it again you missed it ---
**Author:** ![newman](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/newman/32/7569_2.png) [@newman](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/newman)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2007, 7:25am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funniest-story-ever/30050/4 "2007-05-29T07:25:57Z")
still missing it. ---
**Author:** ![Fry](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/fry/32/7284_2.png) [@Fry](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Fry)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2007, 7:45am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funniest-story-ever/30050/5 "2007-05-29T07:45:31Z")
[quote=“newman,post:2,topic:30050"”] i kept waiting for some punchline or something funny, but there wasn’t one. [/quote] +1 Man drives away with pump nozzle in truck, ripping it off. Man sheepishly returns nozzle and hose. Anything else? ---
**Author:** ![newman](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/newman/32/7569_2.png) [@newman](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/newman)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2007, 7:56am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funniest-story-ever/30050/6 "2007-05-29T07:56:19Z")
things that would have helped this story air horn neck brace puffy dog ---
**Author:** ![JUICEDSS](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/juicedss/32/7185_2.png) [@JUICEDSS](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/JUICEDSS)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2007, 8:05am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funniest-story-ever/30050/7 "2007-05-29T08:05:18Z")
ERROR 404: No funny found… ---
**Author:** ![OfficerK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4da419/32.png) [@OfficerK](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/OfficerK)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2007, 8:07am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funniest-story-ever/30050/8 "2007-05-29T08:07:53Z")
yeah I fail to see where the ‘niest’ and ‘ever’ come into play ---
**Author:** ![drvnkd](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/drvnkd/32/109615_2.png) [@drvnkd](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/drvnkd)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2007, 8:09am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funniest-story-ever/30050/9 "2007-05-29T08:09:22Z")
too bad they did not charge him for the 1/2 gallon or whatever was in that line as it broke, and 12’ of fuel line, and labor for the install. i guess thats funny… that it will not cost him anything for being an idiot? ---
**Author:** ![Bacon](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/bacon/32/7230_2.png) [@Bacon](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Bacon)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2007, 8:43am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funniest-story-ever/30050/10 "2007-05-29T08:43:34Z")
I was expecting something that could only happen in Florida. Besides this is why most gas pumps have a release mechanism to prevent damage to the pump. Something like this. [http://www.local6.com/spotlight/13398354/detail.html](http://www.local6.com/spotlight/13398354/detail.html)