# FUNNY QUOTE THREAD **URL:** \ **Category:** NYSpeed Off Topic\ **Created:** [November 24, 2007, 10:39am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-quote-thread/39184 "2007-11-24T10:39:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![TORQDSS](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/torqdss/32/5125_2.png) [@TORQDSS](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/TORQDSS)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2007, 10:39am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-quote-thread/39184/1 "2007-11-24T10:39:18Z")
I saw that there are several threads for specific kinds of quotes so I thought we should have one that we can post any and all funny quotes. If there is a need for context please include it if it’s short. A customer just walked in to our service department and asked… **“How do I turn on my automatic headlights?”** I had to run away because I was laughing so hard the service advisor starting cracking up. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://canada1.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/uploads/speedlife/original/2X/b/b7170c8eddc0b95ece6b88172b2f416a08489a45.png) [@system](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/system)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2007, 10:55am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-quote-thread/39184/2 "2007-11-24T10:55:52Z")
wow you serious? ---
**Author:** ![Janus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c2a13f/32.png) [@Janus](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Janus)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2007, 12:32pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-quote-thread/39184/3 "2007-11-24T12:32:30Z")
“So there i was, balls deep in this hooker…” Heard while leaving the old Sphere years ago. I laughed so hard i peed a little. ---
**Author:** ![TORQDSS](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/torqdss/32/5125_2.png) [@TORQDSS](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/TORQDSS)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2007, 12:40pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-quote-thread/39184/4 "2007-11-24T12:40:56Z")
[quote=“TurboStang,post:2,topic:39184"”] wow you serious? [/quote] i’m not even kidding, i laughed so fuckin hard i had tears coming down my face. ^^^LOL!! I’ve heard that before ---
**Author:** ![Geehee](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/geehee/32/7238_2.png) [@Geehee](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Geehee)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2007, 1:39pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-quote-thread/39184/5 "2007-11-24T13:39:55Z")
ive had multiple people ask me how to turn on their cell phones, or claim they are broken when in reality they just had them powered off. ---
**Author:** ![fbrendan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d26b3c/32.png) [@fbrendan](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/fbrendan)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2007, 2:35pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-quote-thread/39184/6 "2007-11-24T14:35:00Z")
Phone convo: “I can’t get my stove’s front door open?” “Have you turned the handle?” “OH! There we go. Thank you.” Seriously. ---
**Author:** ![forthekicks385](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/forthekicks385/32/7484_2.png) [@forthekicks385](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/forthekicks385)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2007, 5:35pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-quote-thread/39184/7 "2007-11-24T17:35:23Z")
oh brother people are dumb sometimes ---
**Author:** ![sureshot007](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/sureshot007/32/7345_2.png) [@sureshot007](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/sureshot007)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2007, 5:43pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-quote-thread/39184/8 "2007-11-24T17:43:11Z")
enduser: “My mouse isn’t responding when I move it.” me: “What does the screen look like?” enduser: “It says ‘no signal’.” me: “You have to turn the computer on for the mouse to work.” ---
**Author:** ![Bacon](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/bacon/32/7230_2.png) [@Bacon](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Bacon)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2007, 5:59pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-quote-thread/39184/9 "2007-11-24T17:59:53Z")
“I don’t know it’s fucking broken, only the standby light is on.” ---
**Author:** ![TORQDSS](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/torqdss/32/5125_2.png) [@TORQDSS](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/TORQDSS)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 12:01pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-quote-thread/39184/10 "2007-11-27T12:01:00Z")
“If horsepower were a woman I’d f\*\*\* her brains out” \>The famous Schaef ---
**Author:** ![Fry](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/fry/32/7284_2.png) [@Fry](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Fry)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 12:25pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-quote-thread/39184/11 "2007-11-27T12:25:12Z")
“I’ve pressed every button on the thing and it still doesn’t work!” :hang: I’ve gotten that one from a few field techs. And my mother in law when she was trying to watch TV on my father in law’s new home theater setup. ---
**Author:** ![Djs87](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/djs87/32/5132_2.png) [@Djs87](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Djs87)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 12:31pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-quote-thread/39184/12 "2007-11-27T12:31:38Z")
Im going to put an end to this thread. [www.bash.org](http://www.bash.org) go to the site. start reading. ---
**Author:** ![Zong](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/zong/32/7580_2.png) [@Zong](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Zong)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 12:46pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-quote-thread/39184/13 "2007-11-27T12:46:32Z")
[quote=“forthekicks385,post:7,topic:39184"”] oh brother people are dumb sometimes [/quote] my contribution ---
**Author:** ![somedude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@somedude](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/somedude)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 2:31pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-quote-thread/39184/14 "2007-11-27T14:31:52Z")
[quote=“TORQDSS”"] I saw that there are several threads for specific kinds of quotes so I thought we should have one that we can post any and all funny quotes. If there is a need for context please include it if it’s short. A customer just walked in to our service department and asked… **“How do I turn on my automatic headlights?”** I had to run away because I was laughing so hard the service advisor starting cracking up. [/quote] i don’t see the big deal… I guess it depends on the car though you can turn them off on most cars. ---
**Author:** ![Mrs\_Karus](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/mrs_karus/32/7426_2.png) [@Mrs\_Karus](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Mrs_Karus)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 2:39pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-quote-thread/39184/15 "2007-11-27T14:39:21Z")
[http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/](http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/) always good shit. im sure howie can add some here. ---
**Author:** ![TORQDSS](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/torqdss/32/5125_2.png) [@TORQDSS](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/TORQDSS)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 7:19pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-quote-thread/39184/16 "2007-11-27T19:19:56Z")
i’ll say it before someone else does… I FAIL. i need to come out of my hole and find the rest of the internet ---
**Author:** ![fbrendan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d26b3c/32.png) [@fbrendan](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/fbrendan)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 7:33pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-quote-thread/39184/17 "2007-11-27T19:33:25Z")
[quote=“Mrs. Karus,post:15,topic:39184"”] [http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/](http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/) [/quote] > Lady #1: Yes, my sister did end up getting pregnant by the guy, but her fiancé doesn’t know yet. She doesn’t know what she is going to do. > Lady #2: What about having an abortion? > Lady #1: Oh, no, she’s Catholic! HAHAHA I forgot about this website. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![FiftyCheven](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/fiftycheven/32/4950_2.png) [@FiftyCheven](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/FiftyCheven)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 8:04pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-quote-thread/39184/18 "2007-11-27T20:04:15Z")
See sig… ---
**Author:** ![Daddie](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/daddie/32/7621_2.png) [@Daddie](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Daddie)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2007, 10:13am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-quote-thread/39184/19 "2007-11-28T10:13:05Z")
Wow, can’t believe no one mentioned it : “I heel-toe automatics!”