# funny stuff **URL:** \ **Category:** PittSpeed Off Topic\ **Created:** [December 22, 2005, 8:24pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-stuff/179029 "2005-12-22T20:24:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![mustang03gt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@mustang03gt](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/mustang03gt)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2005, 8:24pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-stuff/179029/1 "2005-12-22T20:24:14Z")
maybe a repost, maybe so 1995, but still funny: Deer Santa: I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You’re on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I’m giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa * * * Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they? Santa * * * Dear Santa, I don’t know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I’d like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy Dear Teddy, Look, your dad’s banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he’s gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It’s time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those? Santa * * * Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan Dear Susan, Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam. Santa * * * Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas Dear Thomas, All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money. P.S. Tell your mom she got the part. * * * Dear Santa, Do you see us when we’re sleeping, do you really know when we’re awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I’m skipping your house. Santa * * * Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy Timmy, That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn’t work with me. You’re getting an ugly sweater again. Santa * * * Dearest Santa, We don’t have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky Mark, First, stop calling yourself “Marky”, that’s why you’re getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you don’t live in a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams, Santa ---
**Author:** ![Laura00WS6](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/laura00ws6/32/6017_2.png) [@Laura00WS6](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Laura00WS6)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2005, 8:50pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-stuff/179029/2 "2005-12-22T20:50:11Z")
lol ---
**Author:** ![VictorSmalls](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/victorsmalls/32/5944_2.png) [@VictorSmalls](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/VictorSmalls)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2005, 9:18pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-stuff/179029/3 "2005-12-22T21:18:34Z")
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam. Santa 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Laura00WS6](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/laura00ws6/32/6017_2.png) [@Laura00WS6](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Laura00WS6)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2005, 9:25pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/funny-stuff/179029/4 "2005-12-22T21:25:44Z")
he should have used beano…and gave some to the deer :fart: