# Hilarious story, a must read! **URL:** \ **Category:** Shift518 Off Topic\ **Created:** [January 22, 2008, 8:40am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/hilarious-story-a-must-read/235444 "2008-01-22T08:40:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 3\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Vovchandr](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/vovchandr/32/6275_2.png) [@Vovchandr](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Vovchandr)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2008, 8:40am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/hilarious-story-a-must-read/235444/1 "2008-01-22T08:40:10Z")
> This story is just too good not to pass on…makes me laugh in a real > sick sort of way… but there’s justice…ET > For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need > to take it out on someone – don’t take it out on someone you know. Take > it out on someone you don’t know. > I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten > to make. I found the number, and dialed it. A man answered saying, > “Hello?” > I politely said, “This is Fred, could I please speak with Robin Carter?” > He replied “Wrong number asshole” and the phone was slammed down on me. > I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude. > I tracked down Robin’s correct number, and called her. (I had transposed > the last two digits of her phone number.) After hanging up with her, I > decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again. When the same guy answered the > phone, I yelled, “You’re an asshole!” and I hung up. > I wrote his number down, with the word ‘asshole’ next to it, and put it > in my desk drawer. > Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, > I’d call him up and yell, “You’re an asshole!” It always cheered me up. > When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic ‘asshole’ > calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this > is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I’m just calling to see if > you’re familiar with the caller ID program?” > He yelled, “NO!” and slammed the phone down. > I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re an asshole!” > So, one day I was at the grocery store, getting ready to pull into a > parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the > spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had > been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale” > sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number. > A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his > number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too. > I dialed and someone said, “Hello?” I said, “Is this the man with the > black BMW for sale?” > “Yes, it is.” > “Can you tell me where I can see it?” > “Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It’s a yellow house and the car’s > parked right out front.” > “What’s your name?” I asked. > “My name is Don Hansen,” he said. > “When’s a good time to catch you, Don?” > “I’m home every evening after five.” > “Listen, Don, can I tell you something?” > “Yes?” > “Don, you’re an asshole!” Then I hung up, and added his number to my > speed dial. > Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. But after several > weeks of calling them, it wasn’t as enjoyable as it used to be. > So, I came up with an idea: I called Asshole #1. “Hello?” You’re an > asshole!" (but I didn’t hang up). > “Are you still there?” he asked. > “Yeah,” I said. > “Stop calling me,” he screamed. > “Make me,” I said. > "Who are you? " he asked. > “My name is Don Hansen.” > “Yeah? Where do you live?” > “I live at 1802 West 34th Street, Asshole, a yellow house with my black > BMW parked in front.” > He said, “I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start > saying your prayers.” > I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared, asshole.” > Then I called asshole # 2: “Hello?” he said. > “Hello Asshole,” I said. > He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are …” > “You’ll what?” I said. > “I’ll kick your ass,” he exclaimed. > I answered, “Well, asshole, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.” > Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. > Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West 34th Street. > I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St. There, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a TV news crew. > Now, I feel better … > Masquerading as a normal person, day after day, is exhausting … Dug this one up from APG archives, posted originally in '04 by D.gauge. :ninja ---
**Author:** ![Code\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ea924/32.png) [@Code\_Blue](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Code_Blue)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2008, 12:00pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/hilarious-story-a-must-read/235444/2 "2008-01-22T12:00:47Z")
ya… HAHAHAHA…a joke…from 04… /ban ---
**Author:** ![Fn\_Skanks](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/fn_skanks/32/6308_2.png) [@Fn\_Skanks](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Fn_Skanks)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 12:03am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/hilarious-story-a-must-read/235444/3 "2008-01-23T00:03:10Z")
that shit is pretty funny, and pretty clever. great way to get your kicks!! :crackup