# I fail. **URL:** \ **Category:** NYSpeed Off Topic\ **Created:** [June 3, 2009, 12:38pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/i-fail/68712 "2009-06-03T12:38:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Daddie](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/daddie/32/7621_2.png) [@Daddie](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Daddie)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 12:38pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/i-fail/68712/1 "2009-06-03T12:38:04Z")
Stomach wasn’t feelin’ so hot. Went to the stall, made some killer noises inside my stomach (large intestine to be more exact). Knew this was gonna be pretty noisy. Courtesy flushed because guy was in stall number 3 (of 4) and I was in 1. It made no difference, my farts / sharts were louder than thunder claps in a tropical storm in Florida. I felt ashamed. There was plenty more where that came from, I attempted a second courtesy flush with the same ill effect. This time it sounded more like I was holding it in, so it sort of made a beat with my releases… kinda like a slower reggaeton beat, just one measure. Since flushing didn’t seem to help at all, I tried a camo-cough. Due to the nature of “coughing” I ended up expelling the poop out of my butt with about 4x as much force which also turned up the volume three fold, and it literally sounded like I was trying to cover my cough with my shit/shart/fart. The guy in the other stall (whom I later found out was my co-worker, lulz) didn’t say a freakin’ thing! I walked out, in shame, but at least no one knew it was me. PS. It is a well known fact that stall 1 has the weakest and quietest flush out of all the stalls. Stall 4 sucks the fucking asscrack hairs out of your crack. Stall 1 is like, a level 1 white water rafting trip. ---
**Author:** ![newman](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/newman/32/7569_2.png) [@newman](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/newman)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 12:39pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/i-fail/68712/2 "2009-06-03T12:39:12Z")
> [@Daddie"](#): > > it literally sounded like I was trying to cover my cough with my shit/shart/fart. LOL. ---
**Author:** ![ShiftDead](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/shiftdead/32/7508_2.png) [@ShiftDead](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/ShiftDead)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 12:39pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/i-fail/68712/3 "2009-06-03T12:39:51Z")
Fucking WIN ---
**Author:** ![ILC](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/ilc/32/5337_2.png) [@ILC](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/ILC)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 12:40pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/i-fail/68712/4 "2009-06-03T12:40:22Z")
HAHAHA well said! ---
**Author:** ![SkunkApe](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/skunkape/32/7575_2.png) [@SkunkApe](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/SkunkApe)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 12:41pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/i-fail/68712/5 "2009-06-03T12:41:54Z")
LOL!!!..awesome ---
**Author:** ![chino](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bcef8e/32.png) [@chino](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/chino)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 12:43pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/i-fail/68712/6 "2009-06-03T12:43:36Z")
lead with this always, best pickup line ever ---
**Author:** ![BOBBYGRV](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BOBBYGRV](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/BOBBYGRV)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 12:45pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/i-fail/68712/7 "2009-06-03T12:45:36Z")
the mental images that have been put in my head shall never be forgotten. I will never thank you for this. ---
**Author:** ![Geehee](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/geehee/32/7238_2.png) [@Geehee](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Geehee)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 12:47pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/i-fail/68712/8 "2009-06-03T12:47:22Z")
thread title change suggestion: I win. ---
**Author:** ![LZ1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@LZ1](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/LZ1)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 12:47pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/i-fail/68712/9 "2009-06-03T12:47:53Z")
At least it wasn’t another repost ---
**Author:** ![fbrendan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d26b3c/32.png) [@fbrendan](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/fbrendan)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 12:50pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/i-fail/68712/10 "2009-06-03T12:50:21Z")
Don’t be ashamed. ![http://i136.photobucket.com/albums/q173/austinsill/Everybody_poops.jpg](http://i136.photobucket.com/albums/q173/austinsill/Everybody_poops.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Motocrossx23](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/motocrossx23/32/5120_2.png) [@Motocrossx23](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Motocrossx23)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 12:52pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/i-fail/68712/11 "2009-06-03T12:52:28Z")
lol… ---
**Author:** ![dreid](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/dreid/32/7388_2.png) [@dreid](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/dreid)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 12:53pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/i-fail/68712/12 "2009-06-03T12:53:19Z")
i dont hide shit literally. It also helps that we have these really loud exhaust fans that I kick on before i sit down for the dooty. ---
**Author:** ![MOBOOST4U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f4b2a3/32.png) [@MOBOOST4U](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/MOBOOST4U)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 12:53pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/i-fail/68712/13 "2009-06-03T12:53:20Z")
Haha, I hate those toilets that have to power to suck a small child down but in this case, you coulda used it… ---
**Author:** ![dmoffitt](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/dmoffitt/32/7455_2.png) [@dmoffitt](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/dmoffitt)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 12:54pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/i-fail/68712/14 "2009-06-03T12:54:47Z")
I LOL’d no, seriously. the cats are looking at me funny ---
**Author:** ![Daddie](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/daddie/32/7621_2.png) [@Daddie](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Daddie)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 12:57pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/i-fail/68712/15 "2009-06-03T12:57:09Z")
Is it strange that I bring baby wipes into the bathroom with me? ---
**Author:** ![JayS](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/jays/32/15375_2.png) [@JayS](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/JayS)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 1:00pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/i-fail/68712/16 "2009-06-03T13:00:42Z")
One of those few times where lol really was lol. ---
**Author:** ![Zer0DazE](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/zer0daze/32/7624_2.png) [@Zer0DazE](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Zer0DazE)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 1:04pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/i-fail/68712/17 "2009-06-03T13:04:30Z")
This is a giant win > [@Daddie](#): > > Is it strange that I bring baby wipes into the bathroom with me? NO, not at all. I have a secret stash in our bathroom 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ILC](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/ilc/32/5337_2.png) [@ILC](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/ILC)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 1:07pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/i-fail/68712/18 "2009-06-03T13:07:14Z")
> [@Daddie](#): > > Is it strange that I bring baby wipes into the bathroom with me? It might be time to adjust your diet… I know when i eat hot dogs… I piss out my ass. not just a little bit … like a fucking gallon… it rocks! but messy ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Daddie](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/daddie/32/7621_2.png) [@Daddie](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Daddie)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 1:15pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/i-fail/68712/19 "2009-06-03T13:15:47Z")
Dood, my stomach is amazing. I poop on average 2.5 times a day. When I play basketball, it’s like, 3 times. I’m regular beyond fuck. I rarely piss out of my butt. It’s funny when I do though, and I piss while I’m pissing. “YO DAWG, WE HEARD YOU LIKED TO PEE SO WE MADE YOU PEE OUT OF YOUR BUTT WHILE YOU WERE PEEING, SO YOU CAN PEE WHILE YOU PEE!!” /Body doing Xhibit impression ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Eyed\_Devil](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/blue_eyed_devil/32/7292_2.png) [@Blue\_Eyed\_Devil](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Blue_Eyed_Devil)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 1:16pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/i-fail/68712/20 "2009-06-03T13:16:20Z")
Almost as funny as your shaving thread. [Next page](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/i-fail/68712.md?page=2)