# lame/hack joke thread??
**URL:** https://forums.speedlife.net/t/lame-hack-joke-thread/52945
**Category:** NYSpeed Off Topic
**Created:** [August 8, 2008, 10:13am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/lame-hack-joke-thread/52945 "2008-08-08T10:13:06Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 5
### Author:  [@pirite](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/pirite)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2009, 4:27am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/lame-hack-joke-thread/52945/81 "2009-05-15T04:27:38Z")
> [@mindless](#):
>
> An airplane was crashing. One of the female passengers began to freak out. She stood up and started to shout, “I can’t die like this! I have to die feeling like a woman!”
> She then stripped off all of her clothes and continued with the yelling, “Is there anyone on this plane man enough to make me feel like a woman?!!”
> As she said this one of the male passengers stood up and removed his shirt. He held it out and said, “Here! Iron this!”
👏
---
### Author:  [@newman](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/newman)
#### Post date: [May 21, 2009, 11:10am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/lame-hack-joke-thread/52945/82 "2009-05-21T11:10:36Z")
What’s the difference between _beer nuts_ and _deer nuts_?
Beer nuts are $1.75
Deer nuts are under a buck.
---
### Author:  [@justa4door](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/justa4door)
#### Post date: [May 21, 2009, 11:14am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/lame-hack-joke-thread/52945/83 "2009-05-21T11:14:11Z")
i loled
---
### Author:  [@dirtye30](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/dirtye30)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2009, 4:14pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/lame-hack-joke-thread/52945/84 "2009-08-04T16:14:04Z")
bump. i need a good laugh. plz halp!
---
### Author:  [@OfficerK](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/OfficerK)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2009, 4:20pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/lame-hack-joke-thread/52945/85 "2009-08-04T16:20:05Z")
> [@icantthink4155](#):
>
> Why did the condom cross the road?
>
> It got pissed off.
dont know why but i really liked this :tup:
---
### Author:  [@VR2000](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/VR2000)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2009, 5:28pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/lame-hack-joke-thread/52945/86 "2009-08-04T17:28:39Z")
how do you confuse a blonde?
put her in a round room and tell her to piss in a corner
how does a blonde confuse you?
she comes out and says shes done
---
### Author:  [@Willybeen](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Willybeen)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2009, 5:33pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/lame-hack-joke-thread/52945/87 "2009-08-04T17:33:51Z")
Did you hear about the black guy and the mexican that opened up a restaurant?
They called it nacho mama
---
### Author:  [@Willybeen](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Willybeen)
#### Post date: [September 30, 2009, 6:59pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/lame-hack-joke-thread/52945/88 "2009-09-30T18:59:28Z")
did i really kill this thread.
i hope not.
---
### Author:  [@comm\_perry](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/comm_perry)
#### Post date: [October 1, 2009, 7:41am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/lame-hack-joke-thread/52945/89 "2009-10-01T07:41:20Z")
Three Polish guys (it’s okay, I’M POLISH) are hunting in the woods, when they come across a set of tracks.
The first guy is convinced they’re deer tracks.
The second guy is sure they’re bear tracks.
The third guy is positive they’re wolf tracks.
They argue and argue, until, an hour and a half later, they were hit by a train.
---
### Author:  [@Blue\_Eyed\_Devil](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Blue_Eyed_Devil)
#### Post date: [October 1, 2009, 7:46am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/lame-hack-joke-thread/52945/90 "2009-10-01T07:46:13Z")
An Italian boys confession…
‘Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl’.
The priest asks, ‘Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?’
‘Yes, Father, it is.’ ‘And who was the girl you were with?’
‘I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation’.
"Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?’
‘I cannot say.’
‘Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?’
‘I’ll never tell.’
‘Was it Nina Capelli?’
‘I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.’
‘Was it Cathy Piriano?’
‘My lips are sealed.’
‘Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?’ ‘Please, Father, I cannot tell you.’
The priest sighs in frustration. ‘You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.’ Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, ‘What’d you get?’
‘Four months vacation and five good leads.’
---
### Author:  [@drvnkd](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/drvnkd)
#### Post date: [October 1, 2009, 7:49am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/lame-hack-joke-thread/52945/91 "2009-10-01T07:49:41Z")
Paddy was walking along the street during his
once-in-a-lifetime visit to New York when he rounds a
corner and there’s a high rise building on fire.
Paddy, ever the kind-hearted and resourceful Irishman,
runs up to the building to see if he can help–and notices
people trapped five stories up. Paddy yells to the people: 'I’m
Patrick Sean Michael Fitzpatrick, the Irish Rugby Union
fullback! If you jump, I’ll catch you!"
One lady, in desperation, jumps and sure enough Paddy
catches her. Then a man sees that Paddy catches the
women and jumps. Sure enough, Paddy catches him also.
Then a black man jumps out and crashes to the sidewalk. Paddy
didn’t even attempt to catch him.
Paddy looks up and yells, “Don’t be throwin’ the fookin’ burnt ones!”
---
### Author:  [@Cavi\_Mike](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Cavi_Mike)
#### Post date: [October 1, 2009, 8:26am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/lame-hack-joke-thread/52945/92 "2009-10-01T08:26:04Z")
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk. (pull the wings off a fly and put him in your closed hand. Ask a co-worker this joke and when you answer, open your hand to the fly walking around)
---
### Author:  [@Mankthetank19](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Mankthetank19)
#### Post date: [October 1, 2009, 10:47am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/lame-hack-joke-thread/52945/93 "2009-10-01T10:47:56Z")
What is Ernie favorite ice-cream?
Answer: Sure burt
Why was the little ant confused?
Answer: All his uncles were aunts/ants
---
### Author:  [@theblue](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/theblue)
#### Post date: [October 1, 2009, 10:53am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/lame-hack-joke-thread/52945/94 "2009-10-01T10:53:33Z")
what’s the difference between a blow job and anal sex?
one makes your whole day, the other makes your whole week.
---
### Author:  [@Fry](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Fry)
#### Post date: [October 1, 2009, 11:00am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/lame-hack-joke-thread/52945/95 "2009-10-01T11:00:51Z")
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs…
in your pool?
Bob
in your hot tub?
Stu
on your front porch?
Matt
in your mailbox?
Bill
hanging on the wall?
Art
on the BBQ grill?
Frank
and his sister?
Patty
in a hole in the ground?
Phil
lying next to a hole in the ground?
Doug
stuck in a bog?
Pete
in a pile of leaves?
Russell
water-skiing?
Skip
on the beach?
Sandy
under your car?
Jack
under your bed?
Dusty
on a tree limb?
Leif
and his brother?
Bud
on the side of a mountain?
Rocky
lying on the railroad tracks?
Spike
What do you call a gal with only one leg?
Eileen
What if she’s Japanese?
Irene
What do you do with a dog with no legs?
Take him out for a drag.
---
### Author:  [@Karter](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Karter)
#### Post date: [October 1, 2009, 11:07am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/lame-hack-joke-thread/52945/96 "2009-10-01T11:07:36Z")
> What do you call a gal with only one leg?
>
> Eileen
>
> What if she’s Japanese?
> Irene
LOLLLLLLL
---
### Author:  [@Eazy716](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Eazy716)
#### Post date: [October 1, 2009, 11:17am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/lame-hack-joke-thread/52945/97 "2009-10-01T11:17:44Z")
> [@Fry](#):
>
> What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs…
>
> in your pool?
> Bob
>
> in your hot tub?
> Stu
>
> on your front porch?
> Matt
>
> in your mailbox?
> Bill
>
> hanging on the wall?
> Art
>
> on the BBQ grill?
> Frank
>
> and his sister?
> Patty
>
> in a hole in the ground?
> Phil
>
> lying next to a hole in the ground?
> Doug
>
> stuck in a bog?
> Pete
>
> in a pile of leaves?
> Russell
>
> water-skiing?
> Skip
>
> on the beach?
> Sandy
>
> under your car?
> Jack
>
> under your bed?
> Dusty
>
> on a tree limb?
> Leif
>
> and his brother?
> Bud
>
> on the side of a mountain?
> Rocky
>
> lying on the railroad tracks?
> Spike
>
> What do you call a gal with only one leg?
>
> Eileen
>
> What if she’s Japanese?
> Irene
>
> What do you do with a dog with no legs?
>
> Take him out for a drag.
:repost:
well, most of them anyway
---
### Author:  [@Cavi\_Mike](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Cavi_Mike)
#### Post date: [October 1, 2009, 11:31am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/lame-hack-joke-thread/52945/98 "2009-10-01T11:31:24Z")
At least Fry spelled Russell properly.
---
### Author:  [@Fry](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Fry)
#### Post date: [October 1, 2009, 11:34am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/lame-hack-joke-thread/52945/99 "2009-10-01T11:34:56Z")
I didn’t spell anything. Google “What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs”, copy, paste, post. 😛
---
### Author:  [@Eazy716](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Eazy716)
#### Post date: [October 1, 2009, 11:41am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/lame-hack-joke-thread/52945/100 "2009-10-01T11:41:16Z")
I still love the Irene one.
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