# New Rules for 2006 **URL:** \ **Category:** NYSpeed Off Topic\ **Created:** [April 7, 2006, 12:53pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/new-rules-for-2006/10457 "2006-04-07T12:53:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Daddie](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/daddie/32/7621_2.png) [@Daddie](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Daddie)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 12:53pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/new-rules-for-2006/10457/1 "2006-04-07T12:53:37Z")
New Rule There’s no such thing as flavoured water. Flavoured water is a soft drink. You want flavoured water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That’s real flavoured water. New Rule If you’re going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what’s playing on the other screens. Let’s remember, the reason something was a television show in the first place is because the idea wasn’t good enough to be a movie. New Rule Stop giving me that pop-up ad for [Classmates.com](http://Classmates.com)! There’s a reason you don’t talk to people for 25 years. Because you didn’t like them 25 years ago! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn. New Rule No more gift registries, or, as they should be called, greed registries. You know, they used to be just for weddings. Now they’re for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn’t gift giving; it’s the white people’s version of looting. New Rule When I ask how old your toddler is, I don’t need to know in months. “27 Months”. “He’s two,” will do just fine. He’s not a cheese. And I didn’t really care in the first place New Rule The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the jerk. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a “decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n’-Low and one NutraSweet,” ooooh, you’re a HUGE jerk. New Rule Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn’t make you spiritual. It’s right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to “beef with broccoli.” The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God that what you did when you were high, didn’t result in pregnancy. You’re not spiritual. New Rule Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here’s how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Good, we’re done. New Rule Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blond teachers are permanently damaged. They’re not. They enjoyed themselves. I have a better description for them: lucky bastards. ---
**Author:** ![SoloIIscoob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@SoloIIscoob](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/SoloIIscoob)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 12:56pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/new-rules-for-2006/10457/2 "2006-04-07T12:56:04Z")
Nice…i like the browz one. ---
**Author:** ![AKA-FERRARI](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/aka-ferrari/32/7260_2.png) [@AKA-FERRARI](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/AKA-FERRARI)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 12:59pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/new-rules-for-2006/10457/3 "2006-04-07T12:59:18Z")
awesome rules! ---
**Author:** ![HotRodKid](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/hotrodkid/32/7609_2.png) [@HotRodKid](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/HotRodKid)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 1:00pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/new-rules-for-2006/10457/4 "2006-04-07T13:00:55Z")
> [@Daddie](#): > > New Rule > Stop giving me that pop-up ad for [Classmates.com](http://Classmates.com)! There’s a reason you don’t talk to people for 25 years. Because you didn’t like them 25 years ago! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn. ammendment one: stop emailing people on myspace who you wnt to school with. if they ever cared about talking to you, they wound have kept in contact with you all these years. ammendment two: if you bump into someone you went to school with, conversation will be kept to under 30 seconds, unless they shook your hand, hugged you, or said somthing comparable to “HOLY SHIT I HAVENT SEEN YOU FOREVER!” IF the did not do any of these 3 things, they are most likely not happy to see you, therefor it is your duty to keep the conversation very short, and then find an polite way to carry on with life. ---
**Author:** ![JEG](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/jeg/32/7246_2.png) [@JEG](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/JEG)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 1:04pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/new-rules-for-2006/10457/5 "2006-04-07T13:04:26Z")
> What are you guys/gals doin this weekend? So far looks like I’m stayin home alone with a bottle of soco…but if anybody wants to do something leme know. > damn straight. ---
**Author:** ![MaximaSE98](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/maximase98/32/7600_2.png) [@MaximaSE98](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/MaximaSE98)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 1:14pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/new-rules-for-2006/10457/6 "2006-04-07T13:14:28Z")
ok BILL MAHER ---
**Author:** ![Mrs\_Karus](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/mrs_karus/32/7426_2.png) [@Mrs\_Karus](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Mrs_Karus)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 2:57pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/new-rules-for-2006/10457/7 "2006-04-07T14:57:54Z")
> [@Daddie](#): > > New Rule > When I ask how old your toddler is, I don’t need to know in months. “27 Months”. “He’s two,” will do just fine. He’s not a cheese. And I didn’t really care in the first place So true. i sit there and figure out how old 79 months is. drive me nuts, and the fact that i didn’t give a shit anyways. ---
**Author:** ![Bacon](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/bacon/32/7230_2.png) [@Bacon](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Bacon)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 3:16pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/new-rules-for-2006/10457/8 "2006-04-07T15:16:25Z")
> [@Daddie](#): > > New Rule > Stop giving me that pop-up ad for [Classmates.com](http://Classmates.com)! There’s a reason you don’t talk to people for 25 years. Because you didn’t like them 25 years ago! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn. Haha, I had something like that happen at work when I when to get pizza out from the delievery person. I’m like holy shit. :lol::lol::lol::lol: ---
**Author:** ![Minglor](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/minglor/32/7373_2.png) [@Minglor](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Minglor)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 5:02pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/new-rules-for-2006/10457/9 "2006-04-07T17:02:18Z")
> [@Daddie](#): > > New Rule > Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blond teachers are permanently damaged. They’re not. They enjoyed > themselves. I have a better description for them: lucky bastards. fuck yes. ---
**Author:** ![PsngrSeatsR4Boys](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/psngrseatsr4boys/32/3078_2.png) [@PsngrSeatsR4Boys](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/PsngrSeatsR4Boys)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 7:58pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/new-rules-for-2006/10457/10 "2006-04-07T19:58:32Z")
> [@Daddie](#): > > New Rule > There’s no such thing as flavoured water. Flavoured water is a soft drink. You want flavoured water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That’s real flavoured water. > > New Rule > No more gift registries, or, as they should be called, greed registries. You know, they used to be just for weddings. Now they’re for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn’t gift giving; it’s the white people’s version of looting. :tup: ---
**Author:** ![Fetter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@Fetter](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Fetter)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 9:54pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/new-rules-for-2006/10457/11 "2006-04-07T21:54:03Z")
> [@Daddie](#): > > New Rule > Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn’t make you spiritual. It’s right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to “beef with broccoli.” The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God that what you did when you were high, didn’t result in pregnancy. You’re not spiritual. > > New Rule > Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here’s how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Good, we’re done. :lol: these were the best ones… hahaha… perfect! ---
**Author:** ![Willybeen](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/willybeen/32/7351_2.png) [@Willybeen](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Willybeen)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2006, 10:32pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/new-rules-for-2006/10457/12 "2006-04-07T22:32:50Z")
i wish this thread had MORE to it… good ones thus far…