# SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER
**URL:** https://forums.speedlife.net/t/summary-of-my-last-year-on-the-computer/194991
**Category:** PittSpeed Off Topic
**Created:** [January 23, 2008, 7:52am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/summary-of-my-last-year-on-the-computer/194991 "2008-01-23T07:52:33Z")
**Posts on this page:** 8
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@kilmer420](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/kilmer420)
#### Post date: [January 23, 2008, 7:52am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/summary-of-my-last-year-on-the-computer/194991/1 "2008-01-23T07:52:33Z")
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. However, that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St.Theresa’s novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. Nor do I drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put “Under God” on their cans.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m pumping gas. Nor can I go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. Not that I could shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face…disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
Thanks to you, I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
And thanks to your great advice, I can’t ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
I can no longer drive my car because I can’t buy gas from certain gas companies!
If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician…
Have a wonderful day…
Oh, by the way…
A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.
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### Author:  [@BlkP42E](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/BlkP42E)
#### Post date: [January 23, 2008, 8:02am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/summary-of-my-last-year-on-the-computer/194991/2 "2008-01-23T08:02:32Z")
i no longer read because of this dumb long post
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### Author:  [@Zack01GC](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Zack01GC)
#### Post date: [January 23, 2008, 8:04am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/summary-of-my-last-year-on-the-computer/194991/3 "2008-01-23T08:04:00Z")
Haha
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### Author:  [@Darkstar](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Darkstar)
#### Post date: [January 23, 2008, 8:06am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/summary-of-my-last-year-on-the-computer/194991/4 "2008-01-23T08:06:23Z")
I dont see posting a bunch of faggoty threads on Pittspeed on that list.
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### Author:  [@kilmer420](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/kilmer420)
#### Post date: [January 23, 2008, 3:39pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/summary-of-my-last-year-on-the-computer/194991/5 "2008-01-23T15:39:39Z")
> [@Dear Skunkape](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/dear-skunkape/34512/43):
>
> I dont see posting a bunch of faggoty threads on Pittspeed on that list.
Maybe it’s because it would just list your name and say "Faggoty threads due to Darkstar 😉 "
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### Author:  [@SoLow](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/SoLow)
#### Post date: [January 23, 2008, 4:09pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/summary-of-my-last-year-on-the-computer/194991/6 "2008-01-23T16:09:47Z")
> [@BlkP42E"](#):
>
> i no longer read because of this dumb long post
> [@The most adorable thing you'll see all day](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/the-most-adorable-thing-youll-see-all-day/34529/5):
>
> Maybe it’s because it would just list your name and say "Faggoty threads due to Darkstar 😉 "
truth
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### Author:  [@JackdUp](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/JackdUp)
#### Post date: [January 23, 2008, 4:47pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/summary-of-my-last-year-on-the-computer/194991/7 "2008-01-23T16:47:35Z")
Re-to-tha-pa-pa-pizzost!
[http://www.pittspeed.com/forums/showthread.php?t=27004](http://www.pittspeed.com/forums/showthread.php?t=27004)
:repost:
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### Author:  [@SP71Supra](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/SP71Supra)
#### Post date: [January 24, 2008, 7:42am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/summary-of-my-last-year-on-the-computer/194991/8 "2008-01-24T07:42:30Z")
.1/10