# Thanks............
**URL:** https://forums.speedlife.net/t/thanks/183689
**Category:** PittSpeed Off Topic
**Created:** [July 19, 2006, 11:13pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/thanks/183689 "2006-07-19T23:13:07Z")
**Posts on this page:** 10
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@imported\_Sleeper](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/imported_Sleeper)
#### Post date: [July 19, 2006, 11:13pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/thanks/183689/1 "2006-07-19T23:13:07Z")
I must send my thanks to whomever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put “Under God” on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face…disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer have any sneakers – but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he’s told us how to fix everything.
And thanks to your great advice, I can’t ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg Oh, and don’t forget this one either!
I can no longer drive my car because I can’t buy gas from certain gas companies!
Thanks to you, I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician… Have a wonderful day
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### Author:  [@BlkP42E](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/BlkP42E)
#### Post date: [July 20, 2006, 5:37am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/thanks/183689/2 "2006-07-20T05:37:05Z")
cliffs?
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### Author:  [@ninjenn](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/ninjenn)
#### Post date: [July 20, 2006, 6:11am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/thanks/183689/3 "2006-07-20T06:11:24Z")
cliffs: every chain letter you’ve ever gotten.
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### Author:  [@77rednecktruck](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/77rednecktruck)
#### Post date: [July 20, 2006, 6:39am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/thanks/183689/4 "2006-07-20T06:39:48Z")
that was pretty funny
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### Author:  [@F-B-A](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/F-B-A)
#### Post date: [July 20, 2006, 7:01am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/thanks/183689/5 "2006-07-20T07:01:43Z")
i hate chain letters…
:madfawk:
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### Author:  [@HwH22Hx](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/HwH22Hx)
#### Post date: [July 20, 2006, 8:50am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/thanks/183689/6 "2006-07-20T08:50:03Z")
🤣 loved it
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### Author:  [@hayabusa03rx](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/hayabusa03rx)
#### Post date: [July 20, 2006, 8:54am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/thanks/183689/7 "2006-07-20T08:54:03Z")
I got a good laugh out of that one.
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### Author:  [@8Grand](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/8Grand)
#### Post date: [July 20, 2006, 12:34pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/thanks/183689/8 "2006-07-20T12:34:15Z")
reminds me of chain letters my fucking mother fills my gmail inbox with
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### Author:  [@whitey](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/whitey)
#### Post date: [July 20, 2006, 12:36pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/thanks/183689/9 "2006-07-20T12:36:35Z")
> [@8Grand](#):
>
> reminds me of chain letters my fucking mother fills my gmail inbox with
yours too??? i thought i was the only one
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### Author:  [@F-B-A](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/F-B-A)
#### Post date: [July 23, 2006, 9:54pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/thanks/183689/10 "2006-07-23T21:54:30Z")
:bigthumb: :bigok: