# This guy... is Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** SON240sx Off Topic\ **Created:** [June 19, 2009, 12:20pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/this-guy-is-jokes/125516 "2009-06-19T12:20:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SaNTi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@SaNTi](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/SaNTi)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 12:20pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/this-guy-is-jokes/125516/1 "2009-06-19T12:20:41Z")
I don’t know if you guys seen the “spider email joke” but ill post it anyways, and a couple new ones he wrote. ![http://urbangrounds.com/wp-content/uploads//spider_email.jpg](http://urbangrounds.com/wp-content/uploads//spider_email.jpg) and two new letters sent to his landlord and Gym owner. > **[Undercover cops patrol Boxing Day shopping centres to protect bargain hunters](https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/2478590/boxing-day-sales-2016-uk-high-street-security-berlin-attack-london/)** > > UNDERCOVER cops are patrolling shopping areas across London today as Scotland Yard ramps up security following the Berlin terror attack. Surveillance of Winter Wonderland is also being increased an… I need to take notes from this guy. From:Jeff Peters Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 10.22am To: David Thorne Subject: Membership Renewal Dear David This is a friendly reminder to let you know your gym membership expired last week. Your membership is important to us and we would like to take this opportunity to show our appreciation by offering you a 20% discount on your membership renewal. We look forward to seeing you again soon. All the best, Jeff Peters From: David Thorne Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 1.37pm To: Jeff Peters Subject: Re: Membership Renewal **Dear Jeff,** Thankyou for your friendly reminder and the kind offer to reduce my membership by twenty percent. I own a calculator but I could not work out how to do percentages on it so have estimated that I save around $372.10 off the normal price of $420.00 - Please confirm that this is correct and I will renew my membership immediately. Also, do I get a Fitness First sports bag with towel and drinking bottle included in the price? I own my own legwarmers and headband. Regards, David. From: Jeff Peters Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.01am To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due Hello David How did you come to that amount? Our half year membership fees are actually $460 but with the 20% discount as an existing member your renewing membership fee would be only $368 for the six months saving you almost $100 off the normal price. We are not Fitness First so do not have those bags. Cheers, Jeff From: David Thorne Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.18am To: Jeff Peters Subject: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due **Dear Jeff** Do I get free shipping with that? Regards, David. From: Jeff Peters Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 12.48pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due Free shipping with what? The $368 covers your membership fees for six months. **From: David Thorne Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 2.26pm To: Jeff Peters Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due** Dear Jeff By the power of Greyskull that is a lot of money but I admit to being in desperate need of increasing my body strength. My ten year old child often turns the taps off in the bathroom very tightly and I have to go several days without washing. I feel bad constantly having to ask the lady from next door to come over and loosen them for me, what with her arthritis and limited wheelchair access to my apartment. To be honest, I originally joined your gym with full intentions of attending every few days but after waiting in vain for someone to offer me steroids, I began to suspect this was not going to happen and the realisation that I may have to exercise instead was, quite frankly, horrifying. My aversion to work, along with the fact one of your employees, Justin, was rather rude, telling me to ‘lift this’, '‘push that’ dulled my initial enthusiasm of becoming muscular and I stopped attending. Regards, David. From: Jeff Peters Date: Friday 10 April 2009 9.17am To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due Hello David Not sure how to take your email, nobody here would offer you steroids, it is illegal and none of our staff would do this. Justin is one of our most experienced trainers and if you found him rude while he was trying to be helpful and just doing his job then there are plenty of other gyms you could look at joining instead. Cheers, Jeff From: David Thorne Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.02am To: Jeff Peters Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due **Dear Jeff** _Yes, I have noticed that there are many gyms in my area. I assume the low qualification requirements of fitness trainers means that there is an over supply of these buffed but essentially otherwise purposeless professionals._ I knew a guy in high school who couldn’t talk very well and collected sticks, he used to call the teacher ‘mum’ and during recess we would give him money to dance. Then sell him sticks to get our money back. He went on to become a fitness instructor so I view gyms as kind of like those factories that provide a community service by employing people with down syndrome to lick stamps and pack boxes. Except with more Spandex obviously. Regards, David. From: Jeff Peters Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.32am To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due Go f$\*k yourself. **From: David Thorne Date: Friday 10 April 2009 11.38am To: Jeff Peters Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due** Dear Jeff I was, at first, quite surprised at your response; one minute you are inviting me to renew my membership and asking me for money, the next insulting me. After doing a little research however, I have learnt that mood swings are an expected side effect of steroid abuse. As another side effect is a reduction in the size of your p#$%, this gives you understandable cause to be an angry person. I have also learnt that Spandex contains carcinogenic properties so this does not bode well for yourself and your shiny friends. If I woke up one morning and my p#$% was a quarter of the size I would probably take my anger out on those around me as well. There are probably support groups or websites that could help you manage your problem more effectively and picture based books available on the subject for people with limited reading skills. When I am angry I like to Listen to music by Linkin Park. The added angst and desire to cut myself works similarly to the way firefighters fight forest fires by burning off sections, effectively canceling each other out and I find myself at peace. I understand that you guys usually listen to Pet Shop Boys or Frankie Goes to Hollywood so this may be worth a try. Regards, David. From: Jeff Peters Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.04pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due DO NOT EMAIL ME AGAIN **From: David Thorne Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.15pm To: Jeff Peters Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due** Ok. From: Jeff Peters Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.25pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due Is that you being a smartarse or agreeing not to email me again? **From: David Thorne Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.32pm To: Jeff Peters Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due** The middle one. ---
**Author:** ![MP\_B240](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/mp_b240/32/5697_2.png) [@MP\_B240](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/MP_B240)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 1:02pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/this-guy-is-jokes/125516/2 "2009-06-19T13:02:23Z")
woow this guy is fucking ridiculous hahahah ---
**Author:** ![DJPyro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/278dde/32.png) [@DJPyro](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/DJPyro)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 1:12pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/this-guy-is-jokes/125516/3 "2009-06-19T13:12:45Z")
Win. ---
**Author:** ![Stiky](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/stiky/32/5692_2.png) [@Stiky](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Stiky)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 1:14pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/this-guy-is-jokes/125516/4 "2009-06-19T13:14:15Z")
LMAO! Win on so many levels. ---
**Author:** ![h.240](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/h.240/32/3214_2.png) [@h.240](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/h.240)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 1:15pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/this-guy-is-jokes/125516/5 "2009-06-19T13:15:12Z")
That is awesome. The funniest thing i have heard in a while. ---
**Author:** ![Hacknik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ba9def/32.png) [@Hacknik](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Hacknik)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 1:20pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/this-guy-is-jokes/125516/6 "2009-06-19T13:20:17Z")
ROFL Best thing I’ve read in a loong while. At first I thought the discount would work wit the gym membership haha. ---
**Author:** ![S13counterpart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3e96dc/32.png) [@S13counterpart](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/S13counterpart)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 1:31pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/this-guy-is-jokes/125516/7 "2009-06-19T13:31:05Z")
Someone was on Zilvia! lol ---
**Author:** ![yupyup](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/yupyup/32/5716_2.png) [@yupyup](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/yupyup)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 1:38pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/this-guy-is-jokes/125516/8 "2009-06-19T13:38:49Z")
pretty damn funny ---
**Author:** ![jeeta\_s](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/jeeta_s/32/5758_2.png) [@jeeta\_s](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/jeeta_s)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 1:59pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/this-guy-is-jokes/125516/9 "2009-06-19T13:59:34Z")
this guys jokes, he has like so many come backs. ---
**Author:** ![tbradley\_21](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/tbradley_21/32/5672_2.png) [@tbradley\_21](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/tbradley_21)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 2:38pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/this-guy-is-jokes/125516/10 "2009-06-19T14:38:38Z")
haahah thats awesome ---
**Author:** ![Driftacular](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/driftacular/32/5724_2.png) [@Driftacular](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Driftacular)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 3:10pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/this-guy-is-jokes/125516/11 "2009-06-19T15:10:11Z")
EPIC LOLz ---
**Author:** ![AhmadG](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/ahmadg/32/5577_2.png) [@AhmadG](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/AhmadG)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 3:28pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/this-guy-is-jokes/125516/12 "2009-06-19T15:28:20Z")
I saw it on /b/, I lol’d for hours, showed all my friends. Win this epic does not occur very often. ---
**Author:** ![zudeck](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/zudeck/32/5752_2.png) [@zudeck](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/zudeck)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 3:39pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/this-guy-is-jokes/125516/13 "2009-06-19T15:39:35Z")
Haha…good one. ---
**Author:** ![Singh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@Singh](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Singh)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 4:47pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/this-guy-is-jokes/125516/14 "2009-06-19T16:47:34Z")
This is awesome, this guy is the grand master. ---
**Author:** ![MIKE-240sx](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/mike-240sx/32/5665_2.png) [@MIKE-240sx](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/MIKE-240sx)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 5:23pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/this-guy-is-jokes/125516/15 "2009-06-19T17:23:18Z")
hahahhahahaha ---
**Author:** ![Skinny](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/skinny/32/5584_2.png) [@Skinny](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Skinny)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 5:32pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/this-guy-is-jokes/125516/16 "2009-06-19T17:32:25Z")
i just read it all and power laughed the whole time. +10 unreal ---
**Author:** ![89\_coupe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/8/e0b2c6/32.png) [@89\_coupe](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/89_coupe)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 6:07pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/this-guy-is-jokes/125516/17 "2009-06-19T18:07:15Z")
> [@Amsol Oil Local Dealer](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/amsol-oil-local-dealer/22647/11): > > [/B] > From: Jeff Peters > Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.04pm > To: David Thorne > Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due > > DO NOT EMAIL ME AGAIN > > **From: David Thorne > Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.15pm > To: Jeff Peters > Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due** > > > > **Ok.** > > From: Jeff Peters > Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.25pm > To: David Thorne > Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due > > Is that you being a smartarse or agreeing not to email me again? > > **From: David Thorne > Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.32pm > To: Jeff Peters > Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due** > > > > **The middle one.** i lol’d so hard at that aha this just made my day ---
**Author:** ![Alex\_Dee](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/alex_dee/32/5571_2.png) [@Alex\_Dee](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Alex_Dee)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 6:24pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/this-guy-is-jokes/125516/18 "2009-06-19T18:24:15Z")
i cant wait to do this ---
**Author:** ![Gonad](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/gonad/32/5481_2.png) [@Gonad](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Gonad)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 7:35pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/this-guy-is-jokes/125516/19 "2009-06-19T19:35:28Z")
OLD You guys need to spend some time on [www.reddit.com](http://www.reddit.com) (or [www.digg.com](http://www.digg.com) :ugh: ) on a daily basis where you’ll find this kind of stories all the time :o ---
**Author:** ![BCHLR240SX](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/bchlr240sx/32/5754_2.png) [@BCHLR240SX](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/BCHLR240SX)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 7:40pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/this-guy-is-jokes/125516/20 "2009-06-19T19:40:11Z")
> [@need logo made for the pizzeria.](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/need-logo-made-for-the-pizzeria/22573/46): > > that is awesome. The funniest thing i have heard in a while. lmfaoo at the e-mails. Lmfaooooo at this comment! [Next page](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/this-guy-is-jokes/125516.md?page=2)