# To the woman who crapped on my seat.. **URL:** \ **Category:** Shift518 Off Topic\ **Created:** [April 17, 2009, 11:36am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/to-the-woman-who-crapped-on-my-seat/243594 "2009-04-17T11:36:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![bennyfizzle](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/bennyfizzle/32/6291_2.png) [@bennyfizzle](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/bennyfizzle)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2009, 11:36am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/to-the-woman-who-crapped-on-my-seat/243594/1 "2009-04-17T11:36:36Z")
We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that. I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you. At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive. I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle’s lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don’t think anyone wins 100% of the time. That’s why they call it “gambling”. I’m the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better…like when you’re not sitting on a heated leather seat… What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract. I await your call, Tad P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché… ---
**Author:** ![HANSTECH](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/hanstech/32/6445_2.png) [@HANSTECH](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/HANSTECH)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2009, 11:41am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/to-the-woman-who-crapped-on-my-seat/243594/2 "2009-04-17T11:41:55Z")
hahahahahhaha. win sum lose sum ---
**Author:** ![lconrad](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/lconrad/32/6314_2.png) [@lconrad](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/lconrad)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2009, 1:35pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/to-the-woman-who-crapped-on-my-seat/243594/3 "2009-04-17T13:35:51Z")
what the fuck… ---
**Author:** ![OhNoPOPO](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/ohnopopo/32/6344_2.png) [@OhNoPOPO](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/OhNoPOPO)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2009, 1:48pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/to-the-woman-who-crapped-on-my-seat/243594/4 "2009-04-17T13:48:56Z")
hahahaha ---
**Author:** ![kramerbuccs24](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/kramerbuccs24/32/6397_2.png) [@kramerbuccs24](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/kramerbuccs24)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2009, 1:54pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/to-the-woman-who-crapped-on-my-seat/243594/5 "2009-04-17T13:54:26Z")
the PS is AWESOME :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl ---
**Author:** ![SRS\_BZNS](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/srs_bzns/32/6375_2.png) [@SRS\_BZNS](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/SRS_BZNS)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2009, 3:25pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/to-the-woman-who-crapped-on-my-seat/243594/6 "2009-04-17T15:25:28Z")
Bahaha ---
**Author:** ![votblindub](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/votblindub/32/6280_2.png) [@votblindub](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/votblindub)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2009, 12:29pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/to-the-woman-who-crapped-on-my-seat/243594/7 "2009-04-18T12:29:36Z")
![http://i334.photobucket.com/albums/m429/VOTBLINDUB/Random/1239048216119.jpg](http://i334.photobucket.com/albums/m429/VOTBLINDUB/Random/1239048216119.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![eeshnips](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/eeshnips/32/6395_2.png) [@eeshnips](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/eeshnips)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2009, 1:43pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/to-the-woman-who-crapped-on-my-seat/243594/8 "2009-04-18T13:43:52Z")
Oh god I can stop laughing. My dad thinks Im on crack… only if he knew hahahahaha ---
**Author:** ![Wallace](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/wallace/32/6345_2.png) [@Wallace](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Wallace)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2009, 9:50am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/to-the-woman-who-crapped-on-my-seat/243594/9 "2009-04-21T09:50:34Z")
thats fucking awesome! ---
**Author:** ![n\_cole](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/n_cole/32/6382_2.png) [@n\_cole](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/n_cole)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2009, 9:52am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/to-the-woman-who-crapped-on-my-seat/243594/10 "2009-04-21T09:52:53Z")
Wait but… girls don’t poop? ---
**Author:** ![deadbeatrec](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/deadbeatrec/32/6401_2.png) [@deadbeatrec](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/deadbeatrec)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2009, 9:56am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/to-the-woman-who-crapped-on-my-seat/243594/11 "2009-04-21T09:56:14Z")
yea i know! wtf? girls dont fart either, its called a creme puff. ---
**Author:** ![n\_cole](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/n_cole/32/6382_2.png) [@n\_cole](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/n_cole)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2009, 9:58am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/to-the-woman-who-crapped-on-my-seat/243594/12 "2009-04-21T09:58:09Z")
And what’s a terminator stout? Is it possible to partake without pooping yourself? ---
**Author:** ![psi2high](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/psi2high/32/6320_2.png) [@psi2high](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/psi2high)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2009, 10:59am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/to-the-woman-who-crapped-on-my-seat/243594/13 "2009-04-21T10:59:22Z")
Lmao where do you find these things ---
**Author:** ![ScottWZ32](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/scottwz32/32/6500_2.png) [@ScottWZ32](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/ScottWZ32)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2009, 8:02pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/to-the-woman-who-crapped-on-my-seat/243594/14 "2009-04-21T20:02:05Z")
lol! wtf? ---
**Author:** ![EJEvo](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/ejevo/32/6361_2.png) [@EJEvo](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/EJEvo)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2009, 8:24pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/to-the-woman-who-crapped-on-my-seat/243594/15 "2009-04-21T20:24:06Z")
Benny - you are gold on this forum. Pure gold. ---
**Author:** ![Boxersix](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/boxersix/32/6327_2.png) [@Boxersix](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/Boxersix)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2009, 8:42pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/to-the-woman-who-crapped-on-my-seat/243594/16 "2009-04-21T20:42:40Z")
> [@Denton's MicroHatch Comparo](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/dentons-microhatch-comparo/17323/15): > > Benny - you are gold on this forum. Pure gold. Mouth ------\> Words ----\> Taken by Eric Couldn’t have have said it better myself I must say so :lol ---
**Author:** ![bennyfizzle](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/bennyfizzle/32/6291_2.png) [@bennyfizzle](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/bennyfizzle)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2009, 9:02pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/to-the-woman-who-crapped-on-my-seat/243594/17 "2009-04-21T21:02:23Z")
:rofl Thanks guys :rofl Sooo now that the R34 is cooked how about making me some aluminum door panels in your down time 🙂 :shifty ---
**Author:** ![SRS\_BZNS](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/srs_bzns/32/6375_2.png) [@SRS\_BZNS](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/SRS_BZNS)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2009, 10:17am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/to-the-woman-who-crapped-on-my-seat/243594/18 "2009-04-22T10:17:38Z")
Dude go to Home Depot buy aluminum sheets, cut with cutting wheel, bolt on. Man up and do that childs play yourself ---
**Author:** ![bennyfizzle](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/bennyfizzle/32/6291_2.png) [@bennyfizzle](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/bennyfizzle)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2009, 10:20am UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/to-the-woman-who-crapped-on-my-seat/243594/19 "2009-04-22T10:20:07Z")
Need to bend it in a few places and I no has break. ---
**Author:** ![beepbeep](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/flex034/user_avatar/forums.speedlife.net/beepbeep/32/6355_2.png) [@beepbeep](https://forums.speedlife.net/u/beepbeep)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 1:55pm UTC](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/to-the-woman-who-crapped-on-my-seat/243594/20 "2009-05-13T13:55:28Z")
Got this via email at work…bahahahahaha! Thought it fit perfectly in this thread! Posted to Craig’s List Personals: To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: 2009-03-23, 3:43 A M EST I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I Hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I’d like to apologize. I didn’t expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after You took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that Evening, and it wasn’t that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had Just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for Christmas, And we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It’s a very intimidating weapon when pointed at Your head, isn’t it? I know it probably wasn’t a great deal of fun Walking back to wherever you’d come from with that brown sludge Flopping about in your pants. I’m sure it was even worse since you Also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I Couldn’t have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try To mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or “Momma” As you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your Situation. I also bought myself and four other people in the gas Station this morning a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy With the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all of the cash in your wallet. I threw the wallet In a fancy pink “pimp mobile” parked at the curb after I broke the Windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side. I called a Bunch of phone sex numbers from your cellphone. They’ll be on your Bill in case you’d like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut down The line, and I’ve only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don’t know what’s going on with that. I hope they haven’t Permanently cut off your service. I could only get in two threatening Phone calls to the D A 's office and one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy Was really pissed and we had a long chat (I guess while he traced the number). I’d also like to apologize for not killing you and instead Making you walk back home humiliated. I’m hoping that you’ll Reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky… - Alex P.S. Remember this motto… An armed society is a polite society! [Next page](https://forums.speedlife.net/t/to-the-woman-who-crapped-on-my-seat/243594.md?page=2)