No Sex Tonight
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of
men and women differ so much. And I never have figured
out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why
men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I
were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to
heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just
want you to hold me.”
I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”
So she says the words that every husband on the
planet dreads to hear… “You’re just not in touch
with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your
physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by
saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and no! t! what I do for you in the bedroom?”
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that
night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of
work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice
lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed
department store. I walked around with her while she
tried on several different very expensive outfits.
She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her
we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each
outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she
picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you…
she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave
short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me
because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she
doesn’t even know how! to play! tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s
fine, honey.”
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all
of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation
she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s
go to the cashier.”
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out,
“No honey, I don’t feel like it.”
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw
dropped with a baffled WHAT?"
I then said “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this
stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my
financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping
needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she was
going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am
and not for the things I buy you?”
Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.
i heard that before. i love it