airplane mechanics with a sense of humor

NYSpeed Automotive NYSpeed Off Topic
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After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ’ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

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hahaha

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im literally lolling right now.

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i lol’d at a few.

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those were good

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those are my favorite especially the ones about the midget lol!!

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Commercial airliners have IFF?

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I’m trying really hard not to laugh in class right now haha

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i was LOLing at work…some were pretty good…

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Yes

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Hahaha that’s funny

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Pretty good. I wonder how the Pilots liked those responses. lol

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I wish I could put that kind of stuff in maintenance forms here.

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I was going to post that… they have some mode’s not all of them

When we write something up, you really dont see the MAF until the next time you fly and it is up to the crew to review them

those are all jokes, the have been around since captain crunch was a deck hand.

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Its old, but inaccurate. These are Airforce squaks, as UPS doesn’t have Mode 4 IFF transponders or Targeting Radar on the cargo birds.

Commercial aircraft DO NO have IFF transponders. That is a secure code loaded with a KYK-13, ANCD or a SKL… That are controlled more so than firearms in the military, and the codes come direct from FORSCOM or the regional command.

Standard ARINC civilian transponders have mod A (your 4 digit code) and mode C (your altitude in pressure altitude) and some are mode S (your aircraft identification number in the FAA database).

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

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LOL I used to have to load IFF into a radar from an ancd every day. :frowning:

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I wana beat up an ANCD like that FAX machine in Office Space.

They now have a SKL, Simple Key Loader that is supposed to make it a much easier process. Its so fucked up we force the Tacops officer to do it all himself cause you can’t find any of the correct keys. The old KYK-13’s were the shit, plug, select a switch 1-13 and press a send button.

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When a pilot put down “Weather radar not operational in standby” last week I had a mental :picard: moment.

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Haha some of those were pretty good.

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im not rolling, but some of them were pretty good.