"“I frequently jerk off to the thought of my ex-girlfriends dressed as clowns with massive breast implants.” :gotme:
" when i get drunk i stealgirls handbags when they are not lookin.
i then buy weed with their money.
it doesnt finance a drug habit, more sort of creates one.
its fun. "
"I secretly felt happy when two of my co-workers had miscarriages. "
“I think we should call child services on every parent who gives their child a mullet. I see it every day and there’s no excuse for abuse like that.” - i agree.
i told my roommates 16 year old girlfriend who had an abortion “who am i to judge? you’re cooler than me, you’ve killed someone and i havent”
i also told my best friend at the time, who was put off by his sick aunt living at his house, “well hopefully the cancer goes terminal”
2 days after her best friend committed suicide, i told a girl from my work who badly wanted me, “if i was your friend, i’d kill myself too”
after a girl found out i had been seeing 3 or 4 other girls the entire 4 months we dated, she told me “i had sex with a random guy lastnight” and my response was “cool now your next date will be with a coat hanger.”
one time i asked an indian with a malcolm x jacket on “is that a target?”