I think it is just terrible that some people can afford a monkey, or even a whole colony of monkeys or even baboons.
Some people even have their own orangutans.
Others, the less fortunate, can’t even afford one single spider monkey.
What good is life without a primate pet? Let’s put a stop to this with a new Federal program. The Federal “Buy a Monkey for an Idiiot Supplemental Insurance Program”. This will allow everyone, no matter how shiftless, lazy, or unfortunate, to have their own monkey. I bet if you looked into it, you would find racial and gender disparities in monkey ownership. I think a Congressional commission is in order. After they finish investigating baseball, they could go on to monkeys.