Posted by TopGear - January 21, 2009|9:57 am
Top Gear’s mystery test driver is legendary dead racing driver Graham Hill, according to someone or other The Mole spoke to.
The identity of the hit TV show’s famous wheelman will come as a shock to the dozens of gearheads worldwide who had speculated that the man in the white suit was GP World Champion Damon Hill.
“To find out that it’s actually his dad will come as a shock,” said a man yesterday.
In an alleged plot believed to have cost the license payer millions of pounds, BBC bosses apparently helped Graham Hill fake his own death in a plane crash.
According to Mole sources, the BBC knew as far back as 1974 that one day they’d hire Jeremy Clarkson to front their motoring show which didn’t exist yet, and that Jeremy would probably go to a school where they called new boys “Stigs”, and that in 2002 he’d probably invent an anonymous racing driver and probably give him that same name.
So they approached Graham Hill, whose professional driving career was over at that point, and asked him to crash a plane and then hide in a bush until he got the call from the Top Gear team 20 odd years later," said a BBC insider.
He added: “The BBC does make a mess of some things but they’;re pretty good at forward planning.”
The mystery driver’s identity was uncovered when a cleaner discovered some empty tins of moustache wax in a Mclaren SLR that the Stig had just lapped round the Top Gear test track.
“I found the tins and the penny dropped,” said the cleaner. “I mean when did you ever see Graham Hill without his moustache on?” Or something like that, anyway.
That’s Mr President Stig to you, sir
Posted by The Mole at 3:02 pm on Wednesday January 21, 2009
President StigLooks like Top Gear’s mystery test driver has been unmasked again, and it turns out the man in the white suit is not immortal or superhuman, but is in fact President Barack Obama.
For years now literally nobody who watches the hit TV show has wanted to know the identity of its secret wheelman, but the cat is out of the bag after a White House cleaner found Obama stuffing the famous white suit into a desk drawer at the Oval office. Possibly.
When grilled further by the cleaner, Obama apparently broke down and confessed that it was he who’d piloted monster £200,000 plus, 200mph-plus hypercars such as the Bugatti Veyron and the Ferrari Enzo round the Top Gear track. Or so The Mole hears.
He apparently added that when the show was off air he’d decided to use the spare time to run for President in the United States of America: “I didn’t expect to win, it was just something to do until the Autumn series,” Obama told the gobsmacked cleaner, probably.
He also revealed that he now feared losing his job as the man in the white suit. “I expect being President of the United States of America is pretty full on, but I’d hate to miss the next series because we’ll probably be putting that new Ferrari round the track,” someone reckons he said once.
