Trolling At Its Finest

NYSpeed Automotive NYSpeed Off Topic
1

http://dontevenreply.com/all.php

Sorry if repost.

  			Original ad:

selling 1997 toyota camry. 146k miles. engine and transmission in good shape. was in minor fender bender, damage shown in pictures
From Mike Anderson to @.org

Hello,

Let me just introduce myself. My name is Mike, and two weeks ago my dog was hit and killed by a car in Manayunk. The driver did not stop. He was hit by a white '97 Toyota Camry. With the side of the bumper bashed in like in your pictures. I thought I would never find the killer, but then I saw the murderers car for sale in Manayunk on **********! YOURS. What, are you trying to get rid of the evidence? You killed my dog of 8 years, and didn’t even stop. I had to tell my kids that they would never see him again. Now they just look dead inside, like their soul was taken from them. I can’t blame them.

We can’t bring Skip back to life, but I want you to come here and apologize to my kids. And buy them a new dog. It is the least you could do.

E-mail me back and we’ll set up a time.

  • Mike

From derek ******* to Me

what? i didnt hit your fucking dog. no way im buying you a new dog

From Mike Anderson to derek *******

There’s no denying it. I’ve got you dead to rights. The car that hit my dog is unmistakably yours. I even remember seeing your Outer Banks bumper sticker as I watched the car drive away, leaving Skip in a mangled mess in the middle of the street.

Maybe you were drunk and didn’t remember? That doesn’t make you any less guilty.

From derek ******* to Me

are you fucking serious i didnt hit your dog!!! i even called my girlfriend and she had no idea what i was talking about. you are mistaken

From Mike Anderson to derek *******

No I am not. Does your girlfriend have long hair? I didn’t get a good look at the killer’s face, but I saw long hair from behind as they sped away. I just assumed it was a man because of their huge shoulders.

From derek ******* to Me

yes she has long hair but she didnt hit your dog. where did this happen?

From Mike Anderson to derek *******

You know where it happened. Right here in Manayunk. I think your girlfriend is lying to you. I would like to meet both of you and have a good chat with you two so I can figure out which one of you is lying.

From derek ******* to Me

no this is ridiculous neither of us hit your dog. im sorry it happened but this is not my fault

From Mike Anderson to derek *******

Why would you be sorry if you didn’t do it? Seems like you feel guilty about murdering my dog. Just own up to it. Do the right thing. For my kids.

From Timmy Tucker to ***********@**********.org
RE: Swingset Assembly

Hey,

I saw you are looking for someone to assemble your wooden swing set. First off, I must say that a swing set is a horrible toy for a child. I had a swing set as a kid, and broke three of my ribs and tore my ACL on it. My career in little league soccer was ruined. I recommend that you get your child a sandbox. I have an old sandbox that I am not using, and would be willing to sell to you for $300. It is an awesome sandbox. It is shaped like a turtle, and the lid is part of the turtle too. It comes with beautiful sand filled from a beach on Coney Island, NY. Let me know if you are interested.

Tim

From John ******** to Me

i dont want your sandbox. i already bought the swingset for my kid and am sticking with that. its your own damn fault you got hurt on your swingset

From Timmy Tucker to John ******

John,

Actually it is not my fault. The swingset had a faulty design and the swing came off while I was in the air, and I was sent flying into oncoming traffic. I am lucky to be alive. If you do not want your son mangled by a Dodge Caravan, then you should buy my sandbox instead. Sandboxes are 100% safe.

Tim

From John ******** to Me

fuck your sandbox. i want my kid to have fun, not to sit in some dirty ass sand from new york. i am not an idiot and will not set up my swingset where my child can be thrown into oncoming traffic.

From Timmy Tucker to John ******

Well it sounds like you won’t set up your swingset at all without my help. Are you a quadriplegic? Why are you incapable of putting a swingset together?

If you are a quadriplegic and I have offended you, I am sorry. In that case, would you be interested in my sandbox for your crippled body to relax in? Seeing as you can’t use the swingset anyway, it would be way more practical for you.

From John ******** to Me

FUCK OFF STOP EMAILING ME

These are just two random ones I plucked… there are some really funny ones on here.

2

Original ad:
WE PAY TO CUT YOUR HAIR!
We are a hair styling school that is looking for volunteers to get their hair styled/dyed by our students. We will pay you up to $50. Preferably women/girls
From Mike Anderson to @.org

Hey! I saw your ad saying you will pay cash to cut my hair! Well I just got my head shaved, but I haven’t trimmed my pubes in about five months. They are pretty gnarly, and I jammed my beard trimmer trying to cut them earlier. How much would you pay me to trim my pubes?

Mike

From *********@yahoo.com to Mike Anderson

Mike,

Sorry but we do not trim pubic hair. This is more of a hair dying and styling place.

Thanks!

From Mike Anderson to *********@yahoo.com

That works for me too. My pubes are very curly, but I’ve always wanted to get them straightened. Would you be able to do that? Maybe you could put some highlights in, and just shape up my split ends. Also, do you have some kind of conditioner that would take care of my crabs problem? My prescription ointment doesn’t really do the job.

Where are you located? I am free all day tomorrow.

From *********@yahoo.com to Mike Anderson

Mike we work on HEADS ONLY. SORRY.

From Mike Anderson to *********@yahoo.com

Here’s what I am willing to do. You style my pubes, and I’ll accept $40 cash instead of $50. You can even donate my pubes to those people with cancer who need hair, if you want.

From *********@yahoo.com to Mike Anderson

NO. That is disgusting. Leave us alone!

:rofl:

3

:rofl:

:tup:

4

fuck your sandbox. i want my kid to have fun, not to sit in some dirty ass sand from new york. i am not an idiot and will not set up my swingset where my child can be thrown into oncoming traffic.
lmfao

5

Original ad:
I need an old umbrella for parts. It does not matter if it is broken. I am making an umbrella and maanged to loose one of the little end pieces. Now that I have made the cover I need one more tip to be able to put it back together.
From Mike Anderson to @**.org

Hello,

I saw your ad for an umbrella and I have one if you are interested. I acquired it from my friend who is an EMT. Its previous owner was struck by lightning while holding the umbrella, so most of the material on top is melted off. The handle is somewhat burned and has some flesh melted to it. It is still in pretty good condition. Let me know if you want it!

Thanks,

Mike
.

6

I know a mike anderson… o.O

7

Haha, so do I.

From Mike Anderson to *@.org

Hey! I’m taking my truck down to Bonnaroo and should have an extra seat. I’m planning on leaving Wednesday afternoon. Does this work for you?

From Katie ******* to Me

yes that is fine! thank you! where do you live? i can meet you somewhere if it is easier for you.

From Mike Anderson to Katie ********

I live in West Philadelphia, born and raised. I can meet you anywhere you want. So far it is me, you, my friend Josh and his friends Steve and Rob. It should be a fun ride!

From Katie ******* to Me

great! how big is your truck? i may have a lot of stuff.

From Mike Anderson to Katie ********

My truck is pretty big. It is a Mazda Miata and it can hold around 3 people. You will probably have to sit on Steve’s lap. He’s fat though, so it will be somewhat comfortable to sit on. Are you attractive? My only concern is that Steve may get turned on when you are sitting on his lap. If this is an issue, you can sit on Josh’s lap because he is gay. The only problem with that is that if you are fat, you may crush him because he is a small dude. But if you are fat you can probably just sit on Steve’s lap without him getting aroused.

From Katie ******* to Me

what?! how the hell are you going to fit 5 people in a miata? that isnt a truck! i dont want to sit on anyones lap.

From Mike Anderson to Katie ********

Oh, I get it. You are one of those Ford fanboys that likes to hate on Miatas. That’s okay, I’m not too adamant about Mazdas. If you don’t want to sit on Steve or Josh’s lap, you can sit on mine, since I have a girlfriend and won’t try anything. You will have to drive since my legs will be stuck, though. That’s probably better, anyway, since my license is revoked until 2012, and I have a few warrants. Do you know how to drive stick? If you don’t, I can teach you. You can pick it up in like five minutes.

From Katie ******* to Me

no im not driving are you ****ing kidding me? this sounds like a horrible ride. ill find another ride thanks but no thanks. i still dont get how you are going to cram 4 dudes into a miata.

From Mike Anderson to Katie ********

Do you have a car? You can just follow us down there in your car if you want more room. I take the long way, however, since if I get pulled over in Kentucky or Virginia I will probably go to jail. We are going around, through Missouri. Missouri is really nice though!

From Katie ******* to Me

IF I HAD A CAR I WOULDNT NEED A ****ING RIDE

THIS IS RIDICULOUS IM DONE TALKING TO YOU

Original ad:
looking for honda civic or accord, 1996 or newer. looking to pay up to $5000 depending on condition.
From Mike Anderson to @**.org

Hey,

I’m selling my wife’s 2003 Honda Civic while she is out of town. We are getting a divorce and I am selling it to spite her, so I’ll sell it to you for 5k. It is nice. It has like 55,000 miles.

  • Mike

From Andrea ****** to Me

I am very interested. Are you legally allowed to sell it, or does your wife have the title?

  • Andrea

From Mike Anderson to Andrea ******

Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were a woman. What are you thinking? You can’t drive! You better be e-mailing me from the laptop in your kitchen. Otherwise get back in there!

From Andrea ****** to Me

excuse me? this is the 21st century, and women can drive just as well as men! I’m a good driver! can I take a look at your car or what?

From Mike Anderson to Andrea ******

no. I won’t sell this car to a woman. I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I made the roads a dangerous place. You should be riding public transportation, or have your husband drive you around.

From Andrea ****** to Me

I cant believe this. youre a dick! why did you let your wife drive the car if you are so against women driving?

From Mike Anderson to Andrea ******

She just bought it despite my issues with women driving, which is why we will be getting a divorce. Now unless your husband wants to buy the car, go back to making sandwiches and ironing, you self-righteous ****.

From Andrea ****** to Me

YOU ARE A ****ING *******. YOU DON’T DESERVE YOUR WIFE!!! YOU ARE A PIECE OF ****!!!

8

Original ad:
litter of 6 kittens up for adoption! they are all 3 weeks old and are looking for a good home. contact if interested.
From Mike Hunt to @**.org

Hi,

I am interested in taking all six kittens off of your hands. How much do you want for them?

Mike

From Shannon ******* to Me

Mike,

Are you going to take care of all of these kittens? I want to make sure they all find a good home, and was expecting to sell them one at a time. Are you able to house all six of them?

From Mike Hunt to Shannon *******

Shannon,

To be honest, I own a pet Bengal Tiger and he is on a strict diet of cats. I usually feed him one cat every couple of days, so this litter should hold him over for a while. Don’t worry though, I’ll take good care of the kittens until I feed them to him.

Mike

From Shannon ******* to Me

That is horrible! You will not get a single kitten from me. I really hope you are not serious.

From Mike Hunt to Shannon *******

Shannon,

I was kidding. I seriously need all six kittens though. Disregard anything I said about a tiger.

From Shannon ******* to Me

NO.

9

LOL this site is fantastic

10

.

Original ad:
i am 17 years old and looking to buy my first car! if you have a good, cheap and reliable car for a student please let me know. thank you!

From Mike Anderson to ***********@*******.org

Hey there!

I saw your ad and have a great car for a young driver such as yourself. I am selling my beautiful 1992 Toyota Camry. This car is almost perfect. 148,342 miles on it. I need to go to Wawa tomorrow, so that mileage might change. I’m estimating it will be somewhere around 148,347 miles. If this is a problem, let me know and I will ride my bike to Wawa.

The car has a few MINOR problems but nothing too bad:

  • The ashtray is stuck shut from when I accidentally spilled a beer on it. I think there is like $2 in change in there, so if you can open the ashtray, it’s all yours.
  • Due to a bad trip in Philly, I no longer have a radio. I run an old boom box through the cigarette lighter, however, and it sounds great. It is a 1986 Sony Cassette player. I’ll throw in a Raffi cassette tape for an extra $10. The tape is Raffi in Concert with the Rise & Shine Band, and is an excellent album.
  • The glovebox is locked and I lost the key to it, so it won’t open. Unfortunately there was a tuna sandwich locked in there, and you can smell it in the car. It isn’t that bad if you light some incense. I dropped a few sticks of incense between the seats, you can have them if you find em.
  • The hood latch is broken and the hood will occasionally fly up and hit the windshield while driving. The windshield is currently cracked from the last time this happened, but the crack isn’t that bad. In fact, it helps air out the stench of the tuna.
  • Needs new front and rear brakes. The ones on there don’t really stop, but if you give the emergency brake a good tug it should take care of everything.
  • There is a hornets nest somewhere under the hood. I have no idea where. Occasionally a hornet will blow in through the air conditioning vent, but I will include a fly swatter above the visor.
  • There is some blood on the passenger seat and all over the side of the door. If you are ever pulled over and the police ask about it, just tell them the previous owner hit a deer. Don’t say who I am though.
  • I bought the car from someone who replaced the original horn with a freight train horn. It is really loud and I don’t recommend using it, I have caused several accidents with it.

Besides these problems, this is a great starter car for any young driver! I actually call it the “ladies mobile” because the chicks dig it.

I am asking $6000 for it, but am willing to negotiate.

Thanks,

Mike

From joey ******* to Me

hey thanks for the offer! $6000 sounds like a little much for that car. my dad only gave me a $4000 budget, would you be willing to take that?

From Mike Anderson to joey ********
Son, you obviously have no experience in buying vehicles. When I said I was willing to negotiate, I meant I was willing to take more money for the car if you wanted to give it to me. Minimum is $6,000. Talk to your dad, and he will tell you that this car is a once-in-a-lifetime deal. He’ll be pissed if he saw that you passed this up.

Mike

From joey ******* to Me

What the hell is wrong with you? That car is a piece of shit! Stop e-mailing my son, you moron.