Cheddar Cheese Popcorn???

http://www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/1547385/2/istockphoto_1547385_black_plastic_serving_spoon_metal_handle.jpg

Using that guarantees you graduate at the top of your class from FAT FUCK University.

Wear a wifebeater and stained tighty-whities for full effect.

edit: stained, old, torn and pitstained haynes white t is an acceptable substitute as well