So after the gym I grab some Chipotle. And when I walked in there, it was just jam-packed of fat out of shape motherfuckers stuffing their faces, and all of their beady eyes just gazed in awe and jealousy as I slowly strode in. Still glistening from my killer chest/tri’s workout, my chistled muscles gleamed in the cheap restaurant lighting. I was even wearing those mesh-like gym shorts that totally show the outline of your cock and some pathetic sap’s girlfriend just dropped her plastic fork in her burrito bol in fucking ecstasy as she admired my sweaty flopping cock.
As I ordered everyone got real quiet, intently listening in to see what a specimen like me eats at such an establishment full of swine and peasants. After I told Carlos to make me a fucking steak burrito, I knocked out an entire set of tricep dips on the queue bars as he was putting in extra guac just like I told his bitch ass to do. After they rang my shit up, I grabbed my to go bag and smashed it in my gym bag like I didn’t even give a fuck (because I didn’t). Even as I exited the building, all the filthy mongrels went back in shame knowing that when I eat my burrito it will add 10 pounds to my bench, and not to my ass.
I’m a man. Part of being a man is not letting anything get in the way of your psyche. The only thing I need to survive and stay sane is Protein, Carbohydrates, Healthy fats such as fish oils, a place to take a nice steamy shit, weights, a hot blonde hole to slam and spill my baby batter into and some tanning lotion.
Other than that, I’m cool. Take it all away, I will survive.
Little League coaches are supposed to teach their players how to tuck the leg when sliding or turn away from a pitch when it’s headed towards their ribs. They’re not supposed to teach them how to commit a robbery.
George Spady, Jr. apparently disagrees. Last June, police say the 31-year-old Arlington baseball coach was driving with his 12-year-old son, a nephew and another player on his team when he stopped outside of a vacant shop.
According to one of the boys, Spady’s son crawled through a vent on the back side of the store and unlocked the door for his father. Spady, his son and nephew then went inside and came out holding light fixtures and bolts.
Spady then allegedly yelled at the boy to go in and get more loot. Apparently thinking time was short because of a truck that had just driven by the scene.
The kid accomplice eventually told his stepfather what had happened. And the dad, not being too keen on his son learning the black arts of breaking and entering from a role model, then told the cops.
Earlier this month Spady plead guilty to burglary. And today he was sentenced to 15 days in jail. His players, meanwhile, learned a valuable lesson: Sometimes it’s better to ignore the coach’s signs and run home.
Manassas, VA (TWV) - Zachary Catlin, a 22-year-old Virginia man was arrested Tuesday after he broke into a home naked and yelled at the sleeping residents inside.
According to Manassas police, Catlin broken into a family’s home around 4 a.m. Tuesday while the residents were asleep.
A man sleeping on the living room couch awoke to the sight of a naked Catlin standing over him, demanding that he let him stay the night. The man ordered Catlin to leave the home several times, but he refused. The noise awoke other residents in the home, who called police.
“He was like, ‘I’m just going to stay the night with you tonight,’” said Ryan Martin. “I was like, ‘No, you need to leave.’”
When the naked man walked out on the back porch, the resident closed and locked the door behind him. Police arrived minutes later to find Catlin, still naked, outside the home continuing to yell obnoxiously.
Police say the man repeatedly ignored officers’ commands and picked up a toy gun to threaten officers with. Police answered with a taser, which finally brought Catlin under control.
“It was totally ridiculous. They were asking him his first name and he was answering with colors,” said Martin. “At first it was kind of freaky but then it just got ridiculous.”
Catlin was arrested and booked into the Prince William-Manassas Regional Jail on charges of public drunkenness, burglary, indecent exposure and resisting arrest. Bond has not yet been set.
