Jokes Thread

Shift518 Automotive Shift518 Off Topic
1

A young Chinese couple gets married. She’s a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn’t know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.

‘My darring,’ he whispers, ‘I know dis iss your firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want. you juss ask… so…whatchu want?’ he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her. A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request.

She eventually shyly whispers back, ‘I want try someting I have heard about from other gurls…
Numbah 69.’

More thoughtful silence, this time from him.
Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her…‘You want… Garlic Chicken with steam vegetable?’

2

now in hungry for a chinese girl!

3

lol, good for you!

4

know of any worth eating?

5

I know of a Vietnamese girl, but not Chinese.

6

thats close enough for me! lol

7

rofl @ hole fread

8

Two Rednecks, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their
favorite bar, drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and
says, ‘You know, I’m tired of going through life
without an education. Tomorrow I think I’ll go to the
community college and sign up for some classes.’ Bob
agrees that it’s a good idea.
The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets
the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for four
basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

‘Logic?’ Jim asks, ‘what’s that?’

The dean says, ‘I’ll show you. Do you own a
lawnmower?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Then logically speaking, because you own a lawnmower,
I think that you would have a yard.’

‘That’s true, I do have a yard.’

‘I’m not done,’ the dean says. ‘Because you have a
yard, I think logically that you would have a house.’

‘Yes, I do have a house!’

‘And because you have a house, I think that you might
logically have a family.’

‘I have a family.’

‘I’m not done yet. Because you have a family, then
logically you must have a wife.’

‘Yes, I do have a wife.’

‘And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you
must be heterosexual.’

‘I am heterosexual. That’s amazing, you were able to
find out all of that because I have a lawnmower.’

Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean’s
hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells
Bob about his classes, how he has signed up for Math,
English, History and Logic.

‘Logic?’ Bob says, ‘What’s that?’

‘I’ll show you,’ says Jim. ‘Do you have a lawnmower?’

‘No.’

'Then you’re a queer

9

HAHAHAHAHA thats good

10

I don’t have a lawn mower :confused

11

no comment

12

If I lived in a house and not an apartment complex I would have a mower. I also have like no fukn parking here either.

13

It was the mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge. “All this was just too wonderful for words,” he said, “but what’s the dollar for?”

“Well,” she said, “last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.”

He said, “Fuck him, give him a dollar.”

The lady then said, “The breakfast was my idea.”

14

HAHA That’s a good one. I just made that forward e-mail

15

haha that is a good one :rofl

16

:lol thats good.

17

HaHA why cant this happen more often ::slight_smile:

18

Lmao thats a good one :lol

19

One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attaked them and knocked them out.

When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe’s throne.

The chief then said “All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me.”

So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.

Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed.

The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, “Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you’d have gotten away!”

The second guy answered while still laughing, “I couldn’t help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples.”

20

:lmao