The man, the ostrich, and the cat
A Guy in Ireland walks up to the bar with a big ostrich behind him. As he sits, a small cat jumps up on the stool beside him. The barman comes over, regarding the trio with some curiosity, and says, “What’ll it be?” The man says, “I’ll have a pint,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?” “I’ll have a pint as well,” says the ostrich. The man looks at the cat, and says, “I suppose you want a drink too.” The cat replies, “I’ll have a half, but I ain’t fookin’ payin’!” So the barman pulls two and a half pints, and says, “That’ll be three pounds forty, please.” The man reaches into his pocket, feels around, and pulls out exactly three-forty in change. A while later, the same thing happens, and the man pulls the exact amount out of the same pocket.
The next day, the man, the ostrich, and the cat return to the same bar. “I’ll have a pint,” says the man. "Same for me,"says the ostrich, and the cat orders up a half… “But I ain’t fookin’ payin’!” Repeat of yesterday. The Bloke pays each time with the exact amount from his pocket. This becomes almost a regular routine until late one evening, the trio enters again. “The same?” asks the barman. “Well”, says the man, “it’s close to last orders. I’ll have a large whiskey.” He turns to the ostrich to inquire. The bird says, "I’ll have a large whiskey as well."The cat says, “I’ll have a small whiskey… but I ain’t fookin’ payin’!” The barman rings up the drinks and turns, with a sly grin, “that’ll be seven pounds twenty, please.” To his amazement, the man pulls the exact seven & twenty out of his pocket. As the trio are finishing their drinks, the barman can’t contain his curiosity any longer. “Excuse
me, sir, but before you leave there’s something I must know… how do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket?”
“Well,” says the man, “several years ago, I took care of an old lady well into her nineties, and when she died, she left me her old house. As I was cleaning out the attic, I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a genie appeared and offered me two wishes.” “That’s fantastic”, says the barkeep, “What did you wish for?” “Well, if I ever need to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right money will always be there.”
“That’s brilliant,” says the barman, “most people would wish for a million pounds or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live.” “That’s right, whether its a quart of milk or even a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there. The best thing I ever did!” As he turns to go, the barman calls him back and says, “One last thing, sir… your friends there… we don’t get many cats or ostriches drinkin’ in 'ere…?”
The man looks glum. “Yes, I know. That’s probably the worst thing I ever did, but I’m stuck with 'em. You see, for my second wish from the genie, I asked for a chick with long legs and a tight pussy.”