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If You’re Choking On An Ice Cube, Simply Pour A Cup Of Boiling Water Down Your Throat. Presto! The Blockage Will Instantly Remove Itself.
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Avoid Cutting Yourself When Slicing Vegetables By Getting Someone Else To Hold The Vegetables While You Chop.
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Avoid Arguments About The Toilet Seat - Use The Sink.
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For High Blood Pressure Sufferers ~ Simply Cut Yourself And Bleed For A Few Minutes, Thus Reducing The Pressure On Your Veins. Remember To Use A Timer.
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A Mouse Trap Placed On Top Of Your Alarm Clock Will Prevent You From Rolling Over And Going Back To Sleep After You Hit The Snooze Button.
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If You Have A Bad Cough, Take A Large Dose Of Laxatives. Then You’ll Be Afraid To Cough.
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You Only Need Two Tools In Life - Wd-40 And Duct Tape. If It Doesn’t Move And Should, Use The Wd-40. If It Shouldn’t Move And Does, Use The Duct Tape.
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Remember - Everyone Seems Normal Until You Get To Know Them.
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If You Can’t Fix It With A Hammer, You’ve Got An Electrical Problem.
Daily Thought: Some People Are Like Slinkies - Not Really Good For Anything, But They Bring A Smile To Your Face When Pushed Down The Stairs.