College in its finest

NYSpeed Automotive NYSpeed Off Topic
1

So college is meant to teach you alot of things, with one of those being thinking under pressure. I’m sure everyone one of us has mixed up a date or class assignment and caused us to miss a deadline for a paper, project, etc.

My friend I go to college with decided to start his weekend early skipping his friday classes, only to find out later that day via email from his professor that he missed his first exam and will get a big fat 0 for it. In coming up with some excuse besides “I’m a fucking moron” in a timely fashion, I leave you what he came up with, along with the professor’s responses:

[FONT=Lucida Sans Unicode]Dear professor Conklin,[/FONT]
[FONT=Calibri]As per the Student attendance policy outlined in your syllabus, “Absences will be excused for (a) documented illnesses, (b) official representation of the College, © death of a close relative, (d) religious holiday, and (e) other circumstances beyond the control of the student,” I was not able to come to class on Friday because of my religion, Pastafarianism.[/FONT]
[FONT=Calibri][/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Sans Unicode]According to Pastafarianism, quoted from The Gospel of the flying Spaghetti Monster, “Friday is the holiest day of the Pastafarian holidays and takes place each week. During this high day, Pastafarians are encouraged to take it easy… One can do no more to honor His noodly Appendage than to observe Fridays with the utmost of piety.” [/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Sans Unicode][/FONT]
[FONT=Calibri]Seeing as it would be troublesome to take each Friday off, I have toned it down to take one Friday off each month. I have asked my Pastafarian brothers is this would be alright, and they agreed that it would be okay for me to just take a Friday off each month. I apologize that my religion interfered with your exam, and would hope that you could schedule a make-up for me. [/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Sans Unicode]Kind regards,[/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Sans Unicode]Michael [/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Sans Unicode][/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Sans Unicode][/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Sans Unicode]Mike,
While you letter demonstrates a certain sense of humor, your absence is not excused in accordance with school policy. Consequently, and in fairness to all students, who were there to take the exam, there is no make-up test.
Your grade for the first exam is zero.
Prof. COnklin[/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Sans Unicode][/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Sans Unicode][/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Sans Unicode]Dear Professor Conklin,[/FONT]
[FONT=Lucida Sans Unicode]While it may seem humorous, I do believe in that. Under School policy, “The State University of New York College at Brockport does not discriminate on
the basis of race, gender, religion, national origin, age, disability, sexual orientation, marital
status, or status as a Vietnam-era or disabled veteran, in admission, employment, or treatment of
students and employees.”[/FONT]

[FONT=Lucida Sans Unicode]Seeing also as Brockport will excuse absences for religious holidiays, I feel that my absence was excused, as I was devoting my day to the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Kind Regards,
Michael

Mike,
You have every right to believe as you wish. However,after meeting with the chair of our business department yesterday afternoon to discuss your situation, it was confirmed that your group was formed as a specific political response to a governmental policy regarding religion, and does not qualify you to take any or all Friday’s off from school. I seriously doubt, based on my extensive work and military experience, as a worker and manager for over 25+ years, that an employer would honor any or every Friday off either.
If you wish, I will gladly arrange a meeting for yourself, me the chair of our dept., Dr. Gardner. I would also like to have the Dean present as well, so that they can all have the opportunity to meet with you face-to-face.
You can see me after class today.
Prof. Conklin

Well my friend fought the good fight for his noodly Appendage, he still ended up with the 0 and is currently failing the course.

[/FONT]

2

that is absolutely fantastic, I must say to run with it for that long and actually attempt to argue it inteligently is just awesome.

However I would add in response to this that I have watched one of my better friends who attends UB for mechanically engineering scroll through the obituaries in search of a name of a deceased “relative”. Then email his professor in regards to his missed exam and explain as such. Not only once but I did in fact watch him do this twice.

In conclusion I love and absolutely hate College.

3

Haha after he wrote and sent that off he thought “why the fuck didn’t I just say my grandparent died?” Oh well, still makes for an awesome story

4

lol, well played…welll…not really… but funny nonetheless.

5

thats funny, reminds me of a “friend” who didnt show up to 75% of the time last semester, never took a test in class and still passed with an A- because he kept telling the professor he kept having troubles with his gf and kid

6

That was really stupid.

7

He can’t let it die. They cannot PROVE that he does not believe something. If he proclaims those beliefs, and sticks to his guns, he should be able to fight his way to a retest.

Eventually someone will advise the professor that if “ridiculous,” were a suitable criteria to disregard someone’s religious beliefs, we wouldn’t tolerate religious observance whatsoever.

8

I love these kind of situation…suck he didn’t win tho…

9

:picard:

10

I have never been able to BS my way out of a class using a “death in the family” excuse… it’s just wrong. A kid I knew used that excuse to get out of work and they ended up sending flowers to his house and giving him a paid month off. I could never live with myself if I did that.

11

Only way I could deal with myself is when I actually had a death I took no time off for it.

12

A paid month off? What kind of cuddly ass shit is that? Praxair gave me all of 8 hours to grieve the loss of my grandmother last summer. That wasn’t even enough to put her in the fucking ground. I had to use half a vacation day to cover the wake.

13

completely different. I could never lie about something that serious…idk

14

Yeah, I usually said nothing, or claimed sickness. Usually I was just honest though, and I had good enough relationships with my professors that they never gave me too much grief.

15

ohh, you’re talking about those silly things called morals. I could live with my immorality, its the fact someone was kind enough to give me time off and flowers that I would feel shitty about.

16

That’s the morals that make you feel shitty.

I’d feel terrible, but I’d love a month’s paid vacation.

Who did he say died, his mother? :lol:

17

LOL guys… yeah he said it was a parent. Fucking ridiculous.

18

:picard:

Who does that!?

19

Put it this way. He spent most his time drinking/smoking and being a general waste of life. He was a decent kid just lazy and worthless as fuck.

I think it took him a good 6 years to graduate:picard:

20

Even so