http://www.textsfromlastnight.com
HAHAAHHAHA
LMAO/////
(571): Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah…
(703): this can’t be going anywhere good
(571): nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could “punish her pussy”? =\
that was great haha
rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl
(443): told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
(410): i don’t see why you should, it’s not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
(571): Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah…
(703): this can’t be going anywhere good
(571): nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could “punish her pussy”? =\
(602): She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she’s missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the “expectant mothers” spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
(330): She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating…
(778): No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
(403): I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it’s like.
(312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
(909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
(904): I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone’s DNA that’s in me
(619): The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there’s nothing wrong with it
(864): I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
(540): I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought…
(1-540): You at least unplugged it right?
Hahahahaa.
holy shit! welcome to the internet fellas! :Idiots
I just started laughin so hard when I read this…
(541): Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed…do you think that actually works?
(434): I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
(1-434): Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend
Repost from WAY back. Funny as hell though
(314): So I went on a date with this girl…and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn’t tell me about to afford my bday present.
847): this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Owned.
(734): i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
WTF
(480): so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, “I can has cheeseburger?” and then went back to eating me out.
rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl
hahahaha
(973): this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
(1-973): gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
(973): yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
(917): Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
(818): I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
(310): wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
(818): why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
:rofl
(865): she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn’t take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
^^ Hillarious because I know girls like this
(650): Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I’m showing everyone my penis tonight.
^^ This sounds like elliot
(416): Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife’s back…i told her he said face only.
(860): He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
(573): I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled “ready or not here I come!”
(407): he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag…I couldn’t bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
(404): three words: i give head
(770): three words: not that well
(818): If he doesn’t notice me by the next party, i’m just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
(323): Sounds like a plan.
lmaoo