Funny things about kids
Thought this was funny enough to pass along:
For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas.
THINGS I’VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN…(HONEST AND NO KIDDING)
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A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
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If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with rollerblades, they can ignite.
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A 3-year-oldie’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
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If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to raise a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
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You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
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The glass in windows (even double pane) does not stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
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When you hear the toilet flush and the words “Uh-oh,” it’s already too late.
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Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
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A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.
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Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.
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Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
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Super glue is forever.
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No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
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Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
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VCR’s do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
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Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
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Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
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You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
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Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
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The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
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The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy
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It will, however, make cats dizzy.
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Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
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The mind of a six-year-old is wonderful…
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Loose gravel in the driveway, and neat hubcaps with artistic holes are an open invitation.
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Gravel wedged through artistic hubcap holes damage disc brakes.
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2 1/2 cups of sand from the sand pile will fit down the bathroom sink drain.
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Everything larger will fit part-way down the commode.
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3-year old children can cover 4 blocks in 10 minutes without any oversight.
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Police don’t like 3-year children 4 blocks from home alone.
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CDs conduct electricity when 120V is applied directly across them.
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Electric circuit breakers do not always act in time to protect less conveniently fixable components from melting.