home improvement rant - the toilet

SON240sx Automotive SON240sx Off Topic
1

Ok,

so the wife and i buy a house and the wife gets to redo the kitchen and bathroom the way she wants it.

I basically give her carte blanche (is that the right term?) to do whatever she wants…

however, i make one simple request.

Can we please get an elongated toilet bowl.,

I cannot stand when my dick touches the lip of the toilet… SO GROSS!!!

it’s one of the worst feelings in the world. Most ‘dick-touch’ is good touch, ‘toilet-bowl-touch’ is bad touch.

unghh i get the shivers thinking about it…

to try and counteract, i sit further back on the seat… but then you shit above the water line which just makes more work for the wife.

Worse still is when you have the runs and somehow the shit actually seems to poo up! getting in places where it would have to have literally come out at a solid 90 angle with some upward momentum.

so you would think she would oblige and meet my simple request for an elongated bowl.

but she didnt.

what the fukk

2

Beat the crap out of her…

3

use her as the bowl , that might make her get the bigger one?

4

Heh, this is why I’m importing a bride from Africa :wink:

5

so you can turn the the bathroom into an extra bedroom and shit in a ditch outside?

6

Haha, well, that and the obvious Eddie Murphy reference :stuck_out_tongue:

7

Don’t front like your dick is that long.

I need a toilet with heated water, I hate it when my dick dips into the cold ass bowl.

Anyway Bing, just roll with it. Wives love to have their way with home renos. Then you can get away with all kinds of crap.

I basically gave the bride carte blanche with the whole frickin house. But I said the garage is mine don’t go in there, don’t leave your junk there, knock first etc.

It worked and now I have a 500sq ft building separate from the house with 220V electricity, gas heat, alarm, fridge, stove, internet all I need is plumbing and I’m gone.

8

I don’t know man, personaly I think a good craper is necessary in every man home. It’s great to enjoy taking a nice shit.

Here’s my baby:
http://www.americanstandard-us.com/Assets/images/Products/2037.100_pd_01.jpg

Can’t go wrong with American standard products.

http://www.americanstandard-us.com/products/productDetail.aspx?area=bath&cat=3&col=&prodID=133

I would like to have one of those toilets they have onboard airplanes, when you flush it, it creates a vacuum and it just sucks everything down, I think if you sit on one of those and you flush it at the same time you ass will get stuck to the bowl or it will suck the shit right out of your ass!!! LOL

a little off topic but funny:

I like how in some countries they still need directions on how to use a toilet LOL
http://scarymonkey.net/images/funny/br12.jpg

9

Pshhhtt…you’re not man enough unless you make her get a urinal.

10

Or you could do what I did.

Crack the porcelain trying to install a new toilet seat and require a complete toilet replacement!

That’d do it…you’d get to pick a whole new style, size and everything!

11

hahahahaha too funny, yet true.

Andrew.

12

I’d sacrifice the elongated or urinal for a JDM toilet.

The TOTO are gangster!

  • heated rim
  • front bidet for ladies
  • rear bidet sprayer for unisex
  • adjustable water pressure
  • adjustable water temp
  • scent sprayer
  • optional hydaulic lift to get you up out of seat

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/83/Wireless_toilet_control_panel_w._open_lid.jpg/640px-Wireless_toilet_control_panel_w._open_lid.jpg
640px-Wireless_toilet_control_panel_w._open_lid.jpg640×600

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/a8/JapaneseToiletBidet.jpg/509px-JapaneseToiletBidet.jpg
509px-JapaneseToiletBidet.jpg509×599

13

for some reason that last pic reminds me of tub girl.

14

One of the funniest bing posts ever!

15

so i got my elongated bowl… damn right.

16

Congrats buddy!!

When do I get to drop the kids off?

The elongated bowl also helps prevent the legs from falling asleep during one of those hard to get poops…

17

this is where being a plumber by trade comes in handy. she can go out somewhere and by the time she gets back its just there and shell never know the difference. +1 and mad discounts on parts.

18

Just use a cup.

You’re almost a girl…

19

apparently this toilet will flush 29 golf balls in one flush… guess what we’re doing when it gets here?

maiden voyage

20

Time to take a trip to the local range and grab a bucket. No point in flushing good balls.