how to fix your own computer problems

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Since there is several of these posts on a daily basis, please refer to this official list of problems, and solutions.

First and foremost…there’s a 98.9888879% chance YOU are the reason your computer is fucked up. Just remember that, okay? Downloadin your lil MP3’s from kazaa, and the porn you look up, and the movies and software you pirate, all the bullshit “free screensavers” you download, your “banzai buddy bar” and all the shitty sites you go to, it’s YOUR fault.

With that out of the way…

  1. You have popups? Your homepage gets redirected? Your computer runs like SHIT, nothing works “like it used to”, your internet is slow, your lil e-buddies on your IM programs are getting random messages from you?

YOU HAVE SPYWARE. Download Spysweeper, Adaware SE, and HijackThis from www.download.com for starters. Install all programs and run a scan. If you want the best help, run Hijackthis first, and post your scan here, so we can all point and laugh at how bad your computer is fucked up and hopefully fix it for you. I’d recommend booting into safe mode and running Adaware, then Spysweeper, then booting back into normal mode and run both again to be sure everything is gone.

Or maybe you have a virus. If you don’t have an UP TO DATE ANTIVIRUS PROGRAM, FREAKIN GET ONE fools. AVG is free, and it works great. You have no excuses, and I won’t feel the least bit sorry for you if you get a virus.

  1. No Antivirus software?

www.grisoft.com and download AVG free. Install it, and it will update itself automatically. Totally idiot proof (and trust me, I’ve seen some fucking idiots use it).

AND NO, THE 3 MONTH TRIAL OF MCAFEE YOU GOT WITH YOUR DELL IS NOT SUFFICIENT VIRUS PROTECTION UNTIL THE END OF TIME. In fact, McAffee and Norton are bloated, environment intrusive programs, and they suck. Don’t use them, and don’t give them any of your money. FREE.

  1. Getting the “blue screen of death” and getting a physical memory dump?

Yeah, your RAM is probably bad. Go buy more.

  1. You are getting ID 10 T errors, or overhear your computer guy say the problem is between the keyboard and the chair.

Step away from your computer, and go back to using a type writer.

  1. When you boot up your computer, it says “Windows ME” or “Windows 98”…

Buy a new computer

  1. Your computer makes cute little “beeping noises” at you, but doesn’t boot up.

Yeah, you’re fucked and getting POST (power on self test) errors. Refer to THIS PAGE and figure out what error you are getting, and then if you still need to post here, tell us what’s wrong.

  1. Just a reminder, it’s probably your fault your computer is fucked up. If you have kids, they are probably partly to blame, but you have failed as a parent…thus, ultimately making it your fault.

  2. If you get an email that looks like it’s from Paypal, asking you to confirm your account information…

DO NOT DO IT YOU FUCKING FOOL! PAYPAL WILL NEVER EVER ASK FOR YOUR ACCOUNT INFORMATION VIA EMAIL. If you post here asking if you should, you will promptly be assaulted with funny and/or insulting forum pictures.

  1. The email you got from some rich heir in Nigeria IS NOT the promising financial venture you hope it is. You will still be broke if you follow through, except now, you’ll be even more broke. If you post asking if this email is real, or if you should do it, refer to #8 to see your punishment.

  2. If you don’t know who the email is from, and/or you get an email with a “mysterious” attachment, don’t even open it, ok? You’ll end up with a virus, and it will be YOUR fault.

  3. Oh yeah, and if you take your computer somewhere to get it fixed, don’t do the “Nooooooo I neeeeeeeeeeeever look at porn” routine, okay? Even if you deleted your temp internet files, and your history, and everything else you can think of, I’m still gonna check your index.dat file and see where you’ve gone and laugh when you lie to my face, in front of your wife, that “Noooooo I don’t ever go to porn sites, and no I’d NEVER go to adultfriendfinder.” You fucked your computer up, YOU, and no one else. Live up to it, let me teach you how to not do it again, and quit being a fool with your wife. I’ll probably charge you $20 extra to keep my mouth shut about your gay porn fetish.

More to come as necessary.

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thats $20 well spent.

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:bowrofl: :bowrofl: :bowrofl: :bowrofl:

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Nice find/creation :boink

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theft :ugh2:

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:bowrofl:

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too true

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you can tell them that shit 5 times over… they will still fuck it up and will still come back for help.

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liar

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easy now, im still one of those. :angel:

now the question is how do you erase" index.dat "file ??? :down:

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:bowrofl:

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adultfriend finder :rofl: it sounds way to good to be true.

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IM SERIOUS!!! :blue:

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it’s just the indexes of your temp internet files… so if you delete the files the index.dat is the pointer to those files, that’s why they said they can still tell where you went.

it’s a system file and cannot simply be deleted though… opps!

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index.dat is a file that is always open by explorer.exe and IE.

Erasing the index.dat outright may not be possible if there’s a “hard file lock” on a given index.dat.

[Warning: the following is considered “expert mode” operation, proceed with caution]

If you encounter a hard lock, one way to clear the index.dat file(s) if you have Windows NT, 2000, or XP is

  1. Log in as “Administrator”.
  2. Download Process Explorer from www.sysinternals.com
  3. Extract the zip file archive somewhere. I like “C:\Program Files\SysInternals”
  4. Open Process Explorer, then ignore the debug symbols message by clicking OK. It won’t come up again the next time you run this program.
  5. Open Windows Search. If you are on Windows XP, you might have to adjust some settings in the search to find “hidden files” and “system files”.
  6. It should show a bunch of index.dat files under “Temporary Internet Folders”, “History” and/or some other directory names.
  7. switch to Process Explorer and “find handles” (I think that’s “CTRL-e” or “CTRL-f” key stroke combos). In the search dialog that appears from Process Explorer, find “index.dat”
  8. There will be references to files and folders in Process Explorer. We only care about files with the exact name “index.dat”.
  9. in the ProcessExplorer search window, if you SINGLE click on each instance listed, it will take you to the appropriate entry in the main window behind the PE’s search window.
  10. Once the instance is highlighted in the back window, SINGLE right click the entry and select “Close Handle”.
  11. Once you have an instance closed, switch back to the windows “Search” window.
  12. One by one, delete each index.dat file in the windows “Search” window.

Once all these have been sucessfully deleted, reboot.

Again, this only works if you have administrator control over the machine on NT/2000/XP.

You may have to “kill” explorer.exe to be able to delete the file.

There may be some GAMES that use index.dat as a file in their operation. You probably don’t want to delete the game’s file.

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:bigthumb: :bigthumb:

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