CNN: April 15th 2031.
Santa Monica, CA: A mad wheelman today killed 56 people and injured many more as he went on a violent rampage with his Hummer H32 Hybrid SUV. The wheelman alegedly drove onto the sidewalk aiming for as many people as he could find. By the time emergency responders and the police were on scene he took his own life by licking the battery ending the violent ordeal. This is the worst case of hybrid violence in US history ever since two disgruntled high school kids stole thier parents toyota prius’ and went on a violent driving rampage through thier high school in columbine in 2024.
The state of California is now considering tightening thier laws restricting the sale of hybrid vehicles. Currently there is a 6 month waiting period and an extensive background check that must be filed before purchacing a hybrid vehicle. Anti-hybrid vehicle groups are calling for an all out ban on the sale of hybrid vehicles citing continuing vehicular violence.
Reports indicate that the hybrid HUMMER SUV was purchaced legally through a Toyota dealership. The Hummer H32 is a high powered high weight Hybrid vehicle. It is the sucessor of the original hummer H1 military vehicle built by GM which was discontinued ever since General Motors filed bankrupcy in 2015 and its subsequent buyout by the Toyota Motor Company. The Hybrid H32 suv weighs in at a staggering 10,456 lbs and is 10 feet wide. It has a 250 gallon fuel tank and gets 13 mpg. This enabled the wheelman to mow down a large swath of bystanders in rapid sucession without loosing momentum. Investigators said that the wheelman had enough gas left in his tank to mow down THOUSANDS more.
Even conservative activists question the need for such a high powered hybrid vehicle. Citing the fact that nobody needs such a vehicle and transportation could be accomplished by other means.
Lawmakers are franticly scrambling to enact new laws to restirct the sale of hybrid vehicles to prevent such a disaster from ever happening again.
Senator Chelsea Clinton was quoted, “There should be no reason why people should need such a hybrid vehicle, this act of violence is the reason why we need tighter hybrid vehicle control laws… I feel for the victims of this senseless crime and will enact legislation to restrict the sale of such a vehicle so that these innocent victims will not die in vain.”
From all of this, CNN has concluded that people dont kill people hybrid vehicles kill people.