I need help and advice for the end of the rest of my life

[blkwgn]

@SRS BZNS

ok I started looking today and all these wedding bands for bitches were like $1200-3000. I just about shit my pants

Then I heard you are supposed to buy each other like a pretty pricey wedding gift

What The Holy FUCK?

We do both agree the most important thing is the honeymoon. I have never traveled to some far off tropical island and our wedding is july 19th 2014. How do you plan that honeymoon (to a far off tropical resort) with things like weather and shit. I’m sure yo u have to book way in advance. WTF happens if it rains, I mean July is hurricane season for a number of places. I also do not want us to get kid napped raped and killed or to have anything like touristas or hostel take place. Sam is the lead role attractive and I do have the look of the loving boyfriend who get brutally killed within the first 5 minutes of the movie and we wouldn’t be traveling with the token black guy so the odds of my dying would be pretty strong

SOLUTION: Pay for me to accompany you on your trip as your bodyguard.

Just a warning, I will most likely kidnap, rape and kill you and your wife myself.