Dear Husband:
>I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving
>you for good. I’ve been a good woman to you for seven years
>and I have nothing to show for it.
>These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to
>tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the
>last straw. Last week, you came home and didn’t notice that
>I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal
>and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in
>two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game.
>You don’t tell me you love me anymore, you don’t touch me or
>any thing. Either you’re cheating or you don’t love me anymore,
>whatever the case is, I’m gone.
>P.S. If you’re trying to find me, don’t. Your BROTHER and I are
>moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
>Your EX-Wife
>Dear Ex-Wife:
>Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true
>that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good
>woman is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch sports so much to
>try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn’t work.
>I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first
>thing that came to mind was “You look just like a man!” My mother
>raised me to not say anything if you can’t say anything nice. When
>you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with
>MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
>I went to sleep with you when you had on that new negligee and the
>price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my
>brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your
>negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt
>that we could work it out.
>So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars,
>I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home
>you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have
>the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that
>you wrote, you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
>P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but Carl, MY BROTHER was born
>Carla. I hope that’s not a problem.
>Signed Rich As Hell and Free!
