Stick to the “Man Law #XXX:” Format for easier editing
If somebody is willing to write up a constitution and a preamble to man law, feel free.[/b]
Official Man Law List:
Man Law #2: You should never start a thread with the following words “what do you guys think i should do?”
Man Law #3: Bro’s over Ho’s, unless you’re married without a prenup.
Man Law #4: Conversation between two males must stop before entering a shared public lavatory
Man Law #4a: Please wait until all parties have exited the bathroom area before carpet-bombing the toilet.
Man Law #5: There shall never be more than one exposed penis in any room at any time, unless separated by barriers. (bathroom) The ratio of penis in any sexual encounter must always be 1 to (any #), and failure to observe said ratio law will result in being deemed homosexual as men cannot be bisexual
Man Law #7: after the fact, regardless of your success with a female target, you are beholden to buy your wingman at least one beer…more if he was forced to kiss, touch or otherwise physically interact with an unattractive secondary.
Man Law #8: The CRX and Type R can only be referred to as the “Epitome of…X” when discussing FWD Hondas only.
Man Law #14: White tie/Black tie talk is banned. Only talk of beer, cars, and various approved sports is allowed.
Man Law #70: The Eight Approved Topics of Conversation - They are as follows:
- Cars
- Girls
- Boobs
- Beer
- Tools
- Computers (includes any electric gadget)
- Trucks
- Sports
Amendment to rule #70: Beer shall be changed to alcohol of any kind.
Man Law #99: if a friend kneels after scoring a touchdown, do not tackle or otherwise distract him until he stands.
Man Law #187: The following must be included in any and all polls pertaining to car selection advice regardless of criteria: STI, EVO, S2000, IS300, 350Z.
Man Law# 230: No man should ever be behind of a pink car, regardless of make and model unless he is held at gun piont.
Man Law# 245: The Five-Minute Rule - If seated for some sort of entertainment in a gathering, the seat-holder is entitled to call “five minute” to save their seat while pissing/smoking/beer-fetching/etc. The clock starts when the call is made. If the seat-holder does not return within five minutes, he forfeits his place.
Amendment to #245 - Seating at multi-game playoffs is fixed. If you’re there for Game 1, you hold that seat for the duration of the series. If any changes are made between series that results in the loss of a game, changes are reversed
Man Law# 293: If two men walk side by side to each other, and their hands accidentally touch, neither should acknowledge the fact in any manner.
Man Law# 302: No man should ever brag about a car/bike/gadget/chick he is getting unless he has the title over signed or has panties in hand.
Man Law# 333: Driving the following cars are only allowable if they belong to your GF and your car is broken, or otherwise unsuitable:
Any non turbo eclipse or talon
Pontiac Sunfire / Chevy Cavalier
Dodge Stratus
Toyota Celica
V6 Camaro and Mustang, especially convertables
VW Cabrio/Cabriolet/New Beetle/Jetta
Dodge Neon
Mazda Miata
PT Cruiser
Toyota Rav4
Chrysler Sebring
Any automatic import.
Man Law #349: Man may not brag about car, unless at least 75 percent of said car was maintained, repaired, and upgraded by the man himself.
Man Law #363: LSx swapped" anything is deemed cool and praise worthy.
Man Law # 451: A man may never ask another man how do I look unless its to see how red his eyes are.
Man Law #476: Though not smack another man on the ass. Even you sports guys. A high 5 is A-ok!
Man Law # 501: Before allowing a drunken buddy to cheat on his girl, a Man must attempt one intervention. If the buddy is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a “expletive OFF!” … then you are off the hook.
Man Law# 502: No man should talk about his penis with other men unless the subject is mutually agreed on and both parties are under the influence and there is a girl involved in the conversation somehow.
Man Law# 504: No man should ever talk about a story involving many good looking girls if the other man was unable to attend due to circumstances out of his control. The story is allowed only if no juicy details are spared.
Man Law# 505: No man should ever tell a story that starts with “you should have been there” and is told only to point out how much you missed out, also under the same circumstances as man law #504
Man Law #566: A thread about a girl/woman must contain pictures of said girl. Failure to provide pics upon request will lead to consequences befitting posters in the thread.
Rule does not apply when said woman is a mom/aunt/older relative. Cousins/nieces are still subject to #566.
Man Law #601: No two men should have an eye contact of longer then 5 seconds without speaking going on, unless involved in some kind of contest.
Man Law #614: Shaving any hair below the neck is only acceptable if you are training for/participating in some type of Olympic water event.
Amendment to #614: Shaving below the neck is only acceptable when a woman said so directly and in person to said man, with 2 other male witnesses present.
Man Law #657: Car selection should never be made based solely on MPG.
Man Law #724: A man shouldn’t be able to identify names of colors just the basic, red, blue, green, yellow.
Addition to #724, Real men shouldn’t willingly wear feminine colors. (i.e. pink, bright yellow, etc)
Amendment to #724: Identification/discussion of automotive colors (especially colors of Honda Motor Co.) are okay and deemed manly. For example, “Electron Blue Pearl looks good on a EM.” or “Championship White doesn’t work for me.”
Man Law #761: any jewelry aside from a watch and/or wedding ring is subject to ridicule, jest and/or questions about the bearer’s sexuality - particularly in regards to fisting his own anus.
Amendment: The only jewelry allowed on a man’s hands/wrist are:
watches
class rings
engagement/wedding rings
championship rings
cufflinks
No bracelets or cuffs allowed.
Man Law #814: What women care as far as body hair on said man is of no consequence to any man following Man Law code
Man Law #1081: A mans choice of pussy/gf shouldn’t be discussed made fun of, if the choice was selected under sober circumstances.
Man Law #2304: Facial hair, if chosen to be sported, shall not be grown in a “cute” manner. Specifically outlawed are pencil thin “chinstrap” beards. Ideally, the less modification the better.
Man Law #2,738: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.
Man Law #2,811: If a man’s zipper is down, that’s his problem—you didn’t see nothin’.
Man Law #4,001: Under no circumstances may one man ask another man a question that begins with, “So, what are you wearing to…?”
Man Law #8,754: Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
- “Yeah, baby, push it!”
- “C’mon, give me one more! Harder!”
- “Another set and we can hit the showers.”
- “Nice ass. Are you a Sagittarius?”
Man Law #8,812: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That’s just plain mean.
Man Law #31337: Ff you’re chilling at a friend’s house and your girl calls you to bitch about something, don’t sit there and argue with her on the phone for 2 hours. Either end that shit, or tell your friend, you gotta leave and go handle your business.
AMENDMENT: when driving in any vehicle whether said friends or anyone else’s, rule 31337 applies
SUB-SECTION 31337.2: and if any man should be playing wingman or involved in any outside of the home social situation, calls from said female should be subjected to the “f-u button”
If any of the man laws are deemed wrong, we will have a discussion on this, and vote for it. Go over the list carefully.
Amendments are always welcome.
Man Law :drink