The Top 10 Douchebag Cars:
We all know them, we all hate them. They are douchebags. Said to have come from the bowels of New Jersey. Stained orange with spray tan, hair hard as a rock from gallons of hair gel, and a complex language of “Word Brah” and “Sup Dog”, this species of human has spread all over the northeastern United States. They can be found driving with a backwards Yankees hat, their left hand on the top of the steering wheel, leaning on the center console, andtheir seats as far back as they can go. Their style has spread worse than the Swine Flu infecting males ages 13 to 35, and giving them a sense of entitlement and extreme cockiness that has extended to the cars they drive.
10: Lexus IS
Luxury that a douchebag can barely afford. With lease offers for $349 a month this is a great car for douchebags to try and show everyone how much money they have in their invisible bank account because they own a Lexus. Usually can be found with window tint and wheels, which they are charged for in the end.
9: Nissan Maxima
Douchebags driving the Nissan Maxima can be found swerving in and out of traffic at high speeds, without knowing how to use a turn signal. Why is this popular amongst douchebags? It is born from “Godzilla” aka the Nissan GTR, and can be equipped with Nissan’s bread and butter 3.5 liter v6 providing decent power. It is believed by douchebags to be a “hot whip”.
8: Mitsubishi Eclipse
Spanning almost all four generations, from 1990 to present, douchebags commonly refer to this car as the “Clipse” followed usually by a “Yo” or “Dog”. According to douchebag legend when equipped with a turbocharger, they are “Mad fast”. They can be found for little amounts of money due to the fact they have been abused and are older cars. Douches usually have modified them with cheap wheels and an exhaust, and can be found racing obnoxiously through traffic.
7: Chevrolet Cobalt SS
While the Cobalt is a car that vast numbers of people own its performance variation, the Cobalt SS, is a popular car amongst douchebags. Newer Cobalt SS’s are relatively cheap and provide decent performance. Add the fact that it has a spoiler, bigger wheels or “rims”, and a body kit and you have a perfect douche car. They take pride in flaunting the fact that they own the most expensive Cobalt Chevrolet offers.
6: The Mk 4 VW Jetta/GTI (1999-2005)
The fourth generation of Volkswagen Jetta and GTI, produced from 1999-2005 is a favored car amongst the douches of America. Calling themselves “Dubbers”, it has been said that their ways are the result of eating paint chips as children. Unreliable and almost a decade old, these cars can be bought for cheap, and give EMO douchebags the idea that they are part of an exclusive “Euro” crowd even though tens of thousands of other Americans own a Jetta or GTI. They are commonly found with the EMO douche driver hanging his left arm out the window.
5: Honda Civic Si
What makes the Civic Si so popular amongst douchebags? It has Vtec. It makes their car fast. Throw on a “fartcan” exhaust to make lawnmower sounds, a unnecessarily large spoiler, a $20 body kit from Ebay, some cheap Pep Boy wheels, and you have a douchebag’s dream Civic. An obnoxious stereo system is a requirement and can be heard blasting annoying rap music from a mile away.
4: Nissan 350Z
The favorite (attainable) sports car of douchebags everywhere. With power ranging from 287 hp to 300 hp and low prices douchebags flock to the “three- fidy”, or “Z”. “Drifting” has propelled this car up amongst the ranks of douchebag drivers, and can almost always be found with a younger male staring at other drivers to make sure they are checking out his car.
3: Acura Integra
With a huge market of aftermarket parts (that can be overnighted from Japan) this car is rarely found stock, and always has a douche behind the wheel. Powered by the legendary Vtec, it is believed by douchebags to be the fastest car on the road. They are commonly found revving their engine at stoplights and racing soccer mom’s minivans to boost their ego. If sounds of lawn equipment are heard on your street then it is most likely a douchebag driving an Integra.
2: BMW 3 Series
The BMW 3 Series, or almost anything BMW is a revered car amongst all douchebags. Commonly referred to as the “Bimmer” or “Beemer” it is believed to propel any douchebag to the top of the food chain. According to douchebags, sluts and whores flock to the car. Having a BMW makes a douchebag part of an elite “Euro” class and automatically adds $50,000 to their imaginary bank account. The performance variant, the M3 is the ultimate BMW for all douchebags.
1: Infiniti G35
The Holy Grail and epitome of the douchebag automobile is the G35. Sought after and praised, it has become the poster car of every douche in America. A G35 is guaranteed to be driven by a headband equipped, fake tan, and spiky haired douchebag. They OWN the road. There is just enough room for the douche’s ego to fit inside the G35. They can get any slut or whore they want. The G35 needs not apply to traffic laws, all others obey the douche driving it. Any douchebag that owns a G35 is king, and all must obey. Bow down, for the G35 is the Douchebag car.