Today began as a rather relaxed Monday morning. The sun was out, I was in a good mood and well nourished (for once), and was 5 minutes ahead of schedule.
I get to work, check in with the boss, and go about my usual duties. About 2 hours in I get that sharp pain in my lower back that signifies an epic shit is about to commence and I better get my ass to the bathroom pronto.
I dropped my clipboard (was taking inventories) and trudged up to the crapper at a normal pace. As I reached the stairwell (I use the 2nd floor bathroom as its the cleanest in the MFG area of the building) I felt the poop gain strength. I could tell right then and there that this was no normal Monday morning mayhem shit that I am accustomed to. It felt like I had a cinder block at the end of my large intestine.
After wincing many times and trying to look as normal as possible while walking past corporate, I reached the bathroom stall. I wasted no time by slamming the door shut (and locked), whipped down my pants, sat down and began firing in the line of duty.
And nothing. The log went about 1" out of my ass and stopped as I was pushing. It just sat there and it felt AWFUL. It was one of the dryest shits I have EVER taken. Someone walked into the bathroom of course, so I tried to play it off like a normal pewp.
I later determined that wasn’t going to happen. After a few heaves, a blood vessel gave way in my ass and finally (after shedding a few tears) the logs plunged southward with so much force the toilet bowl water splashed up onto my ass cheeks. A few other pellets came thundering out with the aided lube that my bleeding ass provided. I then sighed a breath of relief and everything was pretty much normal from there :rofl
But holy crap (no pun intended), I don’t know what the deal was with that one but I have never had one come out like that before. Thought it was worth a post.
Pure awesomeness Chris. I ended up hanging out with a buddy one night, drinking some beers and playing some Tiger Woods golf on xbox, and decided to BBQ. I ended up eating 3 wicked good 10oz stakes, 2 big potatos, 2 corn on the cobs, a bunch of Hint-O-Lime chips and between the two of us an entire can of Grillin Beans, and drank a bunch of Coronas that night. The following day, I didnt shit. The next day, nuthing. finally Shit a major brick, I am talking atleast 3 inch dia mother fucker, felt like I gave birth, shit doubled over and looked like a giant kielbasa in at the bottom all covered in little corns. After wiping the sweat from my forehead, I LULZ at my master piece… too bad nobody was around I could have shown it to.