Dumb teen: Hey, look at this! It says “Train for jobs in beeyotch.”
Smarter teen: Fool! That word is biotech. Why you gotta be ignorant all your life?
In a supermarket:
Stocker guy #1: Hey, listen to this.
Stocker guy #2: Yeah?
Stocker guy #1: So I’m driving home last night, and my cell phone rings. And it’s a number that I don’t recognize. I pick it up, and say, “Hello?” And there’s this woman’s voice, and she’s like, “Is this Michael?” and I say, “Yeah.” So I’m thinkin’ it’s that girl I met the other day, that I gave my number to. And she’s like, “Did you meet a girl at 88th and 2nd?” And I’m like “Yeah.” “How old are you?” she asks. And I like, I say “I’m 34” but I’m really 44. And then she’s like, “Well she’s 15. This is her mother.”
Hairy, Swollen, Covered in Cuts and Boils
Hobo: Hey, any of you fellas got a match?
Drunk guy: Yeah I got a match, my ass and your face!
Hobo: I hear ya.
-3rd Avenue and 9th Street
LOL
