some fun in the club:
You: “Do you want to dance?”
Her: (looking at you like a piece of shit she just stepped in) “no”
You: (looking confused then) “oooohh nonononono, I SAID… YOU…LOOK…FAT,…IN… THOSE…PANTS…” pointing:)
He: Hey Baby… wanna dance?
She: No.
He: Oh, C’mon! Lower you’re standards a little. I did…
bad jokes:
Doctor’s appointment. One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.” The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”
The spermogram. This one is very usable separately as well, but better not use it before you’ve made sure the girl is or would be comfortable with sexual innuendoes. “A guy goes to a hospital to get a spermogram. The doctor gives him a glass and ask him to fill it up. He goes home to try it with his left hand, try it with his right hand and nothing. He asks for his wife to help, she tries with her left hand, her right hand, her mouth, and nothing. Then again, he asks for his daughter to help, she tries with her left hand, right hand, mouth and nothing. He asked for her neighbour to help, a real HB, she tries all that and nothing. Then, he goes back to the hospital and tells the doctor: “Give me another glass. Nobody can open this one!”.”
Voodoo dildo
This guy is leaving town on business for a week and he’s starting to get a little worried. You see, his wife is a nymphomaniac, and he knows that as soon as he leaves, she’ll start to GET VERY HORNY and think to herself, “YOU’VE GOT TO GET SOME”. So he goes to the adult toy shop to check out what they’ve got. And he notices there’s an ornately carved wood box behind the counter. So he asks the salesman what it is, and the salesman says, “Oh…that’s the voodoo dildo. Here…let me show you.” So the salesman opens the box, and there, lying on a bed of red velvet is what looks like an ordinary vibrator. The salesman says, “Watch this! Voodo dildo-door!”. The voodoo dildo rises from the box and flies across the room and begins banging like crazy against the keyhole! Before it can break the door down, the salesman says, “Voodoo dildo-box!” and the dildo soars back and gently lands in its box.
Well, needless to say, the guy HAS to have the voodoo dildo! At first the salesman refuses but after an hour of haggling and $1000, the man walks off with the magic dingus. He explains how it works to his wife, and kissing her goodbye, sets off on his trip. Now, she resists using it for two days, but finally, she starts to FEEL THE HORNINESS BUILDING INSIDE. She can’t take it anymore, so she opens the box and says, “Voodoo dildo-my pussy!”. The voodoo dildo slams into her and begins pumping her in every conceivable position and angle. She can’t believe the power and precision; she’s getting it with exactly the right strokes, exactly the right angles, exactly the right pressure and she starts to HAVE ORGASM AFTER THUNDERING ORGASM."
After two hours, she can’t take it any more, but she can’t pull the damn thing out! The harder she tries, the more it seems to change it’s shape and adapt to her, to fill her exactly the way she needs to to drive her to WANT IT MORE AND MORE AND MORE WITHOUT STOPPING! She tries calling 911, but they don’t believe her! So she decides to drive herself to the hospital. As she’s headed down the road, she’s moaning in pleasure and desire, because the dildo keeps making her HAVE UNBELIEVABLE ORGASMS. Because she’s swerving all over the road, a motocycle cop pulls her over!! The cop wants to know if she’s been drinking, and she says, “Officer…I wasn’t drinking! It’s all because of the voodoo-dildo!”
And the cop says, “Voodoo dildo, my ass!”