meh something to see.
F-in Vin Diesel
Vin Diesel is actually five men, all of whom share the same soul. If any one of them ever comes face to face with another, they are required by the laws of fate to totally rock the **** out. The last time this cosmic event occurred, Atlantis sank beneath the sea forever. It was worth it.
Vin Diesel not only can lift Thor’s hammer, he once borrowed it to re-shingle his roof. Thor was pissed when he found out.
Vin Diesel tastes like chicken, reported Michael Moore after getting a small bite from Vin’s left forearm. Moore gained 120 pounds in the following days, but he remembers those days as the greatest days in his life.
Vin Diesel only buys products that were tested on animals.
Vin Diesel caused the Great Chicago Fire when trying to burn human beings with a magnifying glass.
When Vin Diesel wishes to mail a letter, he forces it down the throat of the nearest housepet, then hurls the animal in the direction of the recipient’s house.
Vin Diesel does not see the color red. He hears it.
Vin Diesel was offered one million dollars to read to children at an inner city school in Detroit, Michigan, but was paid just $500,000 after it was reported that he merely chanted his name 3,631 times.
Vin Diesel regularly beats up the entire population of France.
Vin Diesel’s urine is the only substance that physicists can use to catalyze and sustain a cold fusion reaction.
Vin Diesel speaks in THX certified sound.
Vin Diesel puts his pants on two legs at a time.
I don’t know what all those Indians were *****ing about…it was Vin Diesel’s land anyway.
Vin Diesel invented the game of chess in the year 400 B.C. as a way of training his army of attack monkeys in the subtleties of war. Suffice to say, monkeys are stupid.
Will Smith once said, “I got to get me one of these.” Vin Diesel does in fact have one of those.
During a stay at Neverland Ranch in the 80’s, Vin Diesel was awoken by Michael Jackson who was trying to sneak into his bed. Vin punched Jackson so hard that he knocked the black right off of him.
Vin Diesel = the square root of sexual racism + Karate Explosion - Jaleel White * Ray Charles
Vin Diesel invented the wheel. Twice.
Vin Diesel is one of twelve men in the world with a license to hunt humans.
Vin Diesel stole Christmas and blamed it on the Grinch.
Vin Diesel invented the dirty sanchez one dark night in Tangier, but only after several hundred failed attempts that have left a hundreds of Mexican women “mutilated, but comedically so.”
Vin Diesel’s left hand is the only part of his body which suffers from epileptic seizures. When he can control these seizures, he has the power to cause the fall of nations or make entire planets collide.
Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
When Vin Diesel runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
Vin Diesel likes to take the form of Catholic priests as a hobby in order to antagonize god for being a too much of a pussy to play him in a game of Scrabble.
When Vin Diesel accidentally invented cancer, his response was simply, “I’ve made a huge mistake.”
Vin Diesel’s mother used to pack him TWO Lunchables.
Vin Diesel can tell time by staring directly into the sun.
Simple Plan was assembled by Vin Diesel as retribution for Darth Vader’s creation of Linkin Park.
Vin Diesel created both Mac and PC. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are just hand puppets he uses. The whole thing is just to entertain him as he wistfully wishes for a much simpler time of pirate dinosaurs and flying pyramids manned by busty Nympho Amazonians.
Vin Diesel can not distinguish between babies and bagels.
Most people don’t know this, but the bible actually ends with Vin Diesel showing up at the crucifixion with a pair of Uzi’s and kicking some Roman ass. Vin Diesel was all like, “Jesus, I totally saved you.” Then, off on the horizon, a bunch of Romans show up riding dinosaurs led by Mecha Pontious Pilate. Jesus busts out this sweet ninja sword and says, “Now it’s my turn to save you.” Then Jesus and Vin Diesel run towards the Romans in slow motion. That’s how the bible ends. It’s a cliff-hanger. I can’t wait for the sequel, “The Bible 2: Water…Into Blood”.
When he was nine, Vin Diesel dressed as himself to go trick-or-treating. He came home with a bag full of candy, a bag full of miniature liquor bottles, an Irish Setter, and two underage prostitutes carrying more of his candy.
Vin Diesel enjoys clapping babies together like erasers. He calls it blapping.
Vin Diesel once attached roller skates to his knees, then drank a 50 gallon drum of nitromethane fuel and farted out a 50’ long jet flame, propelling him down the 1/4 mile drag strip to an astounding ET of 0.0000001 @ 669600000.01 MPH, exceeding the speed of light and creating a rift in space which devoured all life within a 100 mile radius.
He doesn’t hurt people: he kills them.
Gravity only affects Vin Diesel for six hours out of every day.
Vin Diesel is a part of a complete breakfast.
He is immune to the first 10 points of fire damage from an attack.
Vin Diesel burned down Chicago… twice.
Vin Diesel can suck the insides out of a Malteaser without breaking the chocolate. He once tried to recreate this trick with an egg. Four people were killed, another two blinded.
Vin Diesel has a black belt in pudding, which is not a martial art. He’s just that good at it.
Vin Diesel can break wind in eighteen different world languages.
As part of his morning routine, Vin Diesel stretches by defeating 20 armed ninjas that jump out of various household appliances.
When the world finally ends, Vin Diesel will clotheline the 3rd Horseman of the Apocolypse and steal his horse.
Vin Diesel did not use a microphone to record his work on The Iron Giant, he simply shouted his lines at the film reel and it got with the program.
Vin Diesel get high by snorting Canadian children.
Every night, Vin Diesel does 700 push ups and punches himself in the face until he passes out.
Vin Diesel created the idea for the game of soccer when he would fly a 747 over Hawaii and punt giant bags of kittens out of the plane into Volcanoes below. It is believed that the Pompeii eruption was started this way.
Bruce Campbell is the only being in our dimension capable of killing Vin Diesel, but the vacuum left by his absence would collapse the universe. To this day, the actors refuse to be wthin a thousand miles of eachother’s presence.
When Vin Diesel reaches a difficult point in his life, he often stops and wonders, “What Would Godzilla Do?” As the answer invariably is that Godzilla would devour a schoolbus full of Japanese children, whatever Vin does seems pretty OK by comparison.
Single-handedly took down an entire group of ninjas by shouting his name.
Vin Diesel uses his powers for good and for awesome.
He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.
Vin once beat a pirate to death with a shovel, then returned the shovel to Wal-Mart, complaining that the blood, brain matter, skull fragments, and clumps of hair “did not properly cake to the shovel” the way he was accustomed to.
The only person Vin Diesel recognizes as an equal is the Cream of Wheat man.
Vin Diesel once painted the exterior of a house using only babies.
Vin Diesel once got into screaming contest with a panda bear.
Barq’s root beer has often been called “the one with bite”, and thus far Vin Diesel is the only known being to have successfully bitten it back.
When Vin Diesel told the Microsoft Word paper clip to go away, it never came back.
Vin Diesel created the internet out of some 2x4’s and a pack of smokes he stole from Jesus.
Vin Diesel created rainbows to distract people before he punches them in the teeth. According to him, it worked on Mother Theresa.
The Legend of Zelda is based on the adventures of Vin Diesel battling Adolph Hitler and the ****s in World War 2.
When Vin Diesel begins work on a new film project, he bludgeons a hobo to death with a hammer for good luck. For even better luck, he devours the corpse. For the best luck possible, he throws the bones at school children during recess.
One bite from Vin Diesel contains enough venom to drown a Blue Whale.
A few people can lift Thor’s hammer, but Vin Diesel’s the only one who can beat Thor’s ass with it.
Vin Diesel held a press conference saying he was retiring from Major League Baseball. When a reporter corrected Vin saying he never played Vin beat him to death with a giant foam “#1” finger.
He built a full-size replica of The Parthenon out of sugar cubes. It melted in the rain 2 days later. 13 virgins were sacrificed to calm his anger.
Vin Diesel is harmful to radiation.
If you play Contra on NES and put in the infinite lives code, Vin Diesel will jump out of the TV, punch you in the face, call you a pussy for cheating, and steal every bag of potato chips you have.
Vin Diesel once taught a woman to love again by repeatedly punching her in the face.
Vin Diesel will never write an autobiography, since he’s worried it would knock The Bible off the bestseller list, then he’d have to go up to heaven and console God, who’d probably be really upset with the whole affair, and he’d have to tell him it was just a good year for autobiographies, and that people still like The Bible, but want to wait for the holiday sales.
Little puppies, kittens, and the French will not go near him.
Every Friday at midnight he tapes cheese graters to his forearms and pretends that he’s Master Shreder. He then proceeds to play “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” in his front yard until dawn.
Vin Diesel once had Parkinsons disease but he shook it off.
Vin Diesel invented menstruation by punching Eve in the stomach.
