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Update for you Sunny in Philly fans…

#56 It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia
Ask any bro - “What’s your dream job?” Nine times out of ten I guarantee he will reply “Own a bar with my bros.” The other time he will either say male prostitute or porn star, but that’s just because he doesn’t realize you have to bang fat chicks as a male prostitute or that porn stars inject their cocks with adrenaline shots to get them hard (I mean we’ve all done it – just not on camera), but I digress. The point is bros fucking love bars, and would love to hang out in one all day long rather than sit in some shitty cube. Fortunately for bros – they can live the dream vicariously through the owners of Paddy’s Pub in Philadelphia. Bros fucking love “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.”

Honestly, if you have never seen it, you need to go fucking buy all of it on DVD. I know there’s some bro hater out there chomping at the bit to say, “Excuse me sir, but this idea was done already on Cheers.” First of all, I would like to say fuck you. I’m not talking about a fucking bar where pedophiles (Norm and Cliff) go to get up the courage to meet up with the 15 year olds they met in some chat room – I’m talking about a bro bar. Sunny is a show ahead of its time. There are only a handful of shows (#27 Eastbound and Down and #47 Entourage) where, much like bras with any show dealing with marriage or cooking, bros make plans to be together to watch the new episodes and Sunny is one of them. Bros love the fact that there is cursing on the show even though it’s not on HBO.

Bros fucking love all the characters on the show. Dennis is the ultimate bro – not only does he get fucked up all the time, but he bangs pretty much every slam piece he meets. He also tapes that shit without them knowing, which I really respect. Mac is alright. He can be annoying at times, but he is still funny as shit. He also loses a shit load of bro cred for banging that pre-op transvestite, even though it is hot as shit. Bros think Sweet Dee is actually pretty hot, so it really doesn’t matter if she is funny or not. Bros like Frank, mostly because they love seeing Danny DeVito talking about shitting everywhere and trying to bang 19 year old Asians. And then we come to the last character. Bros everywhere agree he is by far their favorite. Charlie. How do we know he is their favorite? Because every fucking bro in the country knows at least one bro who dressed up as “Green Man” last Halloween. Charlie is fucking dumb as shit, which makes bros feel better about themselves. He eats cat food, can’t read (“You think a pirate lives in there?”), and sniffs glue to get high. By the way, you know there are bros out there who have huffed glue just because Charlie does it.

So, if you have never seen this show, do yourself a favor this weekend when you wake up hungover on Sunday and buy this shit. You will not be sorry.

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bump for updates

43

lol i want a shirt now!!!

edit: KENNY FUCKING POWERS I LOVE HIM

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That’s when your bro grabs you.

“Dude we gotta go.”
“Fuck off man, I’m in love.”
“Yo man, we’re not leaving you behind again – remember what happened last time.”

At first you get pissed off, but then you think back to last month when the Fire Department had to come pull you out of a sewer because you got so wasted that you thought you were a fucking Ninja Turtle. Apparently you ordered a pizza and decided to just eat it at “home.” After six hours of yelling “Turtle Power!!” “Gnarly!!” and “Cowabunga!!” someone finally heard you and called the Police.

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lol

i love this shit, brosef stalin

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Tonight’s been a fucking shit show. After #35 pregaming at your spot for like six hours watching College basketball and complaining about how it’s taking forever for the next season of #27 Eastbound and Down to come out, you and your bros are about to #8 roll out to the bars. Just before you walk out the door, you realize that it was going to be a sloppy night. You just took like 10 shots in a fucking row, and the concept of having thoughts was starting to leave your mind. You told that girl from Econ class with the big cans to meet you at the bar, and if you want to bang her you’re going to have to keep it together. As you and your bros stumble to the bars, you sift through the numbers in your phone to finally find #28 “Econ Slut.” You text her, “Hey – can’t wait to hang out tonight!” Foundation fucking laid. She immediately texts back and says she’ll be there in like a hour – thank God – one less hour of wasting time talking to her before Pound Town. You finally get to the bar and while the bro-hater bouncer tries to say “you’re too drunk to come in, blah blah blah, last time you were here you tried to steal the fountain soda machine, blah blah blah,” you just remind him that #14 your father could have him fired tomorrow. Scared as shit because you’re the fucking man, he finally lets you in. After entering, one of your bros has a great idea: shot contest. It doesn’t get much better than proving your manhood by drinking as many fucking shots as possible. After throwing back like five you tap out. Time to put on the charm. You turn to your boy to tell him that your slut is coming soon, but he just shakes his head at you, “What did you say?” You repeat yourself but this dumb-fuck obviously doesn’t understand English. You tell him he’s a fucking terrorist, but he just shakes his head and says, “You’re wasted man.”

Oh fuck – you’ve drank yourself into the dreaded Helen Keller alcohol coma. You can see everything going on around you but your brain has decided to call it a night. As you scream out incoherent words like you’re Mr. Holland’s son, you see her walk in. Wearing the top she probably spent an hour deciding on wearing so she could send the perfect message of “I’m only a slut for you,” you try to put yourself together. As you approach her things go black. The next morning you wake up amazed to actually be in your own bed.

You whisper to yourself: “How the fuck did I get home last night?”
“You were sooo drunk!!” some strange voice calls out.
“Who the fuck was that!?!” you scream.
“It’s me, (name not important),” as a girl emerges from underneath the covers.
It’s Econ slut – you guys banged. But wait a minute! You couldn’t even talk, much less “spit game.” How the fuck did this hot slut end up in your bed? That’s when you remember: I’m a fucking bro – by definition #83 genetically perfect in every fucking way. While other fucking losers have to do pointless shit like take girls out on #75 dates or hold doors open for them, all you have to do is smile and nod your head. Being one of the best looking people on the fucking planet will take care of the rest. God, its so good to be a fucking bro.

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That’s a typical saturday night for me.

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BRO PATERNO.

awesome.