'06 Cobalt SS 2.4..as she is currently

I’d like to know what year Monster he is riding like a little vagina, because you shouldn’t be anywhere near his bike unless he’s running on 1 cylinder…In the mean time, let’s examine these claims more closely based on the lower-end Monster from a few years ago and a new Sportster/Ninja 250. I’ve included references for the performance figures below.

First of all, despite your 3-fold displacement advantage, a Ninja 250 only gives up about 1 second to you, both 0-60 and in the 1/4 mile.

As for the Ducati, there is essentially NO WAY you are going to keep pace with an M1000 for one gear, let alone “the first few.” It makes more torque just as quickly as your 883, then proceeds to blow your ancient lump of a motor out of the water.

2008 Kawasaki Ninja 250R
HP: 27.2hp @ 10,770RPM
TQ: 14.3lb-ft @ 9650RPM
0-60: 7.6 sec
1/4: 15.54 sec @ 82.70mph
CycleWorld Article for figures

2008 Harley Davidson Sportster 883
HP: 44.8hp @ 5,950RPM
TQ: 48.5lb-ft @ 3,400RPM
0-60: 6.4 sec
1/4: 14.70 sec @ 88.69mph
CycleWorld Article for figures

2006 Ducati Monster S2R 1000
Note: This is even the cheaper, lower-power Monster 1000, not the S4R with the Testastretta engine
HP: 87.3hp @ 8,750RPM
TQ: 60lb-ft @ 4,000
0-60: 3.42 sec
1/4: 11.42 sec @ 116mph
Motorcyclist Article for figures