To: Micheal Knapp
From: Jonathan Kolar
Re: Your mother
Date: 6/11/2006
Dear Micheal,
It has been brought to my attention that your mother, Mrs. Knapp is indeed a flithy and disease infested cum receptacle. It has been the understanding of all Pittspeed.com personel that any time a load of semen needs to be extracted, a rimjob is to be given, or if a member just feels like defecating on a woman... it is commonplace to call Mrs. Knapp.
Due to her extreme level of poverty and ignorance, she has been known to accept most forms of payment. These forms of payment are including, but are not limited to:
- Speed of sound windshield banners
- “Supra” style wings for preludes
- Axle back exhaust systems for automatic maximas
- Canned goods
- Food stamps
- Crudely conterfeited money ( I once gave her an index card that had $1 written on it with green crayon)
- A large cardboard box to sleep in for the night
From the exorbitant amount of sexual debauchery, your mother has been recently diagnosed with the Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV).
Note: The Pennsylvania Legislature amended the Pennsylvania Crimes Code in 1995 to provide for enhanced sentences for persons with HIV who are aware of their infection and are convicted of prostitution and related offenses. For such persons, the sentence is enhanced from a misdemeanor to a felony. This provision is codified at Pennsylvania Consolidated Statutes, Title 18, § 5902
Even though she is currently out of state, the Pennsylvannia State Ploice have an all points bulletin issued on Mrs. Knapp to bring her to justice for these crimes against humanity. I understand that it is hard to transmit HIV merely from urinating on her chest while she lays in a gutter, but it is possible. Please try to talk some sense into her and have her turn herself into any PSP barrocks. The fate of Pittspeed is riding on your shoulders Mike.
Yours Truly,
Jonathan J. Kolar
Moderator
