Likewise I’ve never had an issue with steam. Just kinda feel spoiled by double-click, walk away the game is installed, and patched if needed. 
Buuuuuuuuuut… back on topic:
Finally got it to patch after spending 3 hours with it. Had to:
-Re-install the game (Again * 2)
-Run the 1.2 Full patch
-Run incremental 1.21 patch
-Run incremental 1.22 patch
-Run incremental 1.3 patch
Beta 1.4 works nicely but for some reason no one is playing it, and there is only one server.