Dear girl who came home with me last night,
When you said that you “like it rough when you’re drunk,” I didn’t realize that included punching me in the face repeatedly, and giving me a bloody nose on my white down comforter. As Baby Joe’s cousin, I can say that the two of you are about even in punching power. Also, you’re 22; you really shouldn’t still be giving people hickeys. I stole the concealer out of your purse to cover up that monstronsity on my neck for dinner at my parents’ today. Finally, only 4 of the 7 digits in the phone number I gave you were correct. If you can guess which, maybe i’ll talk to you again.
Joe