Dear Mother Nature,
Please warm it up a bit until I get my plow truck together. I’m not ready for you yet.
Butch
Dear patients of mine-
…no i cant give you more morphine. I already gave enough to sedate robbie williams. honestly the only reason you got it in the first place, is because i didnt want to listen to you complain about your toe again.
…when you tell me you have no medical issues at all, but have a drug list you take thats longer than the lord of the rings (with appendecies) chances are youre full of shit.
…no i dont enjoy cleaning your vomit/shit off my backboard, so please dont appologize like you want to pretend you mean it. i saw that smile, and next time, youre getting a 14g needle in your jugular from my partner who has unsteady hands.
…i am not an ‘ambulance driver’. If you would simply like a ride to the hospital, i will tie you to the bumper and drag you, other wise, call a cab.
love-
bobby
Dear Verizon-
Sometimes i feel like the only person on earth who does not have that network following him. Why did i upset you? Im sorry, please come back. One more dropped call and im going to put the phone in the microwave.
Bobby
Dear people who argue that the plane wont take off…
yes. it will.
Bobby
Dear NYSpeed
I rarely post, and yet im still as unporductive as everyone on here because of you. I dont hate you though. Come over later, i made kettle corn and rented Happy Feet. I know how you like that
me
Dear Company;
Please stop keeping a log of everything I do on my computer, it is annoying and obvious that you are doing it. I am not missing any deadlines, let me be.
Thom
^ It will be funny when they read that if they have a keylog tracker. I found mine and deleted it.
Dear Annoying Co-Worker,
It is not necessary to read every single email aloud, especially those that everyone in the company recieves. Please stfu.
No love,
Your cube mate
Dear Canada,
thanks for the bag of milk
love,
kevin
Dear My razor,
You may be wondering why I have not used you on my upper lip in the past week or two. It is because I am growing a sweet moustache.
Sincerley,
Tyler
Dear Parents,
Can we delay my christmas gift? I have no idea what I want and by you pressuring me I’m just going to blurt out somthing dumb and regret it by the time new years is here.
Dear girl who came home with me last night,
When you said that you “like it rough when you’re drunk,” I didn’t realize that included punching me in the face repeatedly, and giving me a bloody nose on my white down comforter. As Baby Joe’s cousin, I can say that the two of you are about even in punching power. Also, you’re 22; you really shouldn’t still be giving people hickeys. I stole the concealer out of your purse to cover up that monstronsity on my neck for dinner at my parents’ today. Finally, only 4 of the 7 digits in the phone number I gave you were correct. If you can guess which, maybe i’ll talk to you again.
Joe
Dear Christine,
I dont care if you found some shit packed away in a box. I obviously don’t need them. I know you miss me and are looking for an excuse to talk to me. I don’t want anything to do with you. You called off our engagment and to be perfectly honest, It was the best thing that has ever happend in my life and I am the happiest I have ever been…PEACE OUT…PS ask Erik how my dick tastes, hope he likes sloppy 2nds.
Sincerely
Chris
dear chris,
thanks for breaking it off with christine, she sucks amazing dick.
sincerely
kevin
Dear Kevin Williams,
You dont want any of that trust me…I love you…
Sincerely
Chris
i like it
Dear Sparks,
Love,
Dlucas
dear dlucas
what the fuck
Dear Kevin,
Check your facebook hunny
Chris