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That’s right ladies and gentlemen. This is your chance to get in deep on the ground floor on one of the newest trends in mining. We are proud to announce that we are open to all investors and offer the opportunity to become a part of what we are calling “AqUa Mining”! The process is very similar to other forms of mining in that we employ heavy earth moving equipment and water, both key elements to a sucessful gold mining operation.
After a couple weeks seeing the very popular TV show “Gold Rush Alaska” on the Discovery Network, and with the recent spike in world gold prices, it became shockingly clear that we are sitting atop one of the greatest money making opportunities in the northeast, possibly the world! If you were frequent watchers of this show you can see just how easy it was for a small group of hard working, poorly edumacated, short tempered, inexperienced miners to bring home the bacon to their families, relatives, and investors. Now you too can become part of the action and excitement!
At this point, we have already invested just shy of a quarter million dollars in heavy equipment but it won’t be long before we hit the mother load and strike it rich! We haven’t gotten permission from any local, state, or federal agencies to perform this type of mining but we’re confident that once they see what’s going on, they’ll have little interest in having any involvement whatsoever. That being said, this is a cash cow operation with nothing but upside!
We have already hired on some current nyspeed members to head up our crack management team. Here’s a short list of the officers:
ONYXZ32: Public relations (The face of the company)
JimShorts: Sales and finance (Who could say “No” to a Mercedes)
Choda: Equipment Manager (Had some early trouble as he has already ruined two sets of dump truck tires doing burnouts down the beach)
Jack: Transportation (Four wheel drive vehicle great for bringing clients and catered products down to the site)
ZPhatZ: Head of Food Services (Hungry guys need a quick vehicle to bring short orders of Asian delicacies to the site)
Bing: Working on a spot for him
Newman: Entertainment Director (Eventually we figure we’re gonna need someone to jump off of shit to distract the attention of law enforcement from what we’re doing)
As far as results go so far, we have had our share of trouble as most start up companies do. We’ve moved a couple thousand cubic yards of material but have a nagging problem with the lake water. Seems every time we scoop a bucket, the damn water keeps rushing back into the hole. We see this as a short term problem with a long term solution. We think if we simply plug up all the tributaries to Lake Erie, especially those other damn great lakes, we should be able to drop the water level enough to be able to see some gold. Again, a couple people may have some problem with this but once they see how much “yellow cash” is coming out of this venture, they’ll quickly see the benefits…and probably jump right on board!! Hey, if you watched the TV show you can see that there’ll be some problems, but then the gold just comes a rollin’ in!
We’re making an introductory offer to the first 1,000 investors. Simply send a cash sum in the amount of $ 10,000.00 (small bills, 50’s and 20’s please), to a local PO Box number which will be made public in the next 2-3 days, in a plain unmarked brown envelope with no return address. This will secure you as one of the first people at the table for what promises to be the investment of the century! This PO Box will not be in some far away country in Africa or the far east, but right in your own back yard, with an ambiguous e-mail address that you can communicate with to see how your investment is blossoming! Don’t wait, act now and reserve your place in history!!
