Help Desk Idiot

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1

So you know all those jokes that go around about the stupid questions that come to help desk people?

Well, that goes both ways. Enjoy

Here is the transcript with Symantec. I’ve edited for brevity and added, in red, some comments for levity.

Problem : Neither my Norton Protection Centre or Norton Internet Security will launch .
Venkata: Hello David. My name is Venkata.
Venkata: HI
David: Hi
Venkata: I understand from your message that you are having the problem wtih Norton program.Am I correct?
David: correct (No I contacted Norton because my Microsoft whatever was fucked)
Venkata: Before troubleshooting this issue, I need to gather more information about this problem from you. This will greatly assist me in finding a resolution to your problem.Is that okay with you?
David: sure
Venkata: Please let me know that your Norton program is installed in your computer. HOLY FUCK. Wow, I can’t launch a program that isn’t installed.
David: Yes it is installed.
Venkata: Please let me know what exactly happens when you are trying to open.
David: nothing happens (did you not JUST read the the line “problem” when I contacted you?)
Venkata: Please let me know that the symantec services are in automatic state or not. In order to check please follow the steps.
Venkata: 1. Click Start>>Run
2. Type services.msc
3. Click Ok.
4. There you find a list of files please check the Symantec and Norton files.
David: checking
David: stand by
David: okay done
David: all are set to automatic
David: I will retry
Venkata: Okay.
David: sorry…no go
Venkata: Please let me know that the services are in automatic or not.
David: All are automatic Did you miss it the first time I said it?!
Venkata: Okay.
David: still there? (guy disappeared for like 5 minutes without a word)
Venkata: In this case I suggest that you have to perfrom the online Virus scan.
David: okay how
Venkata: http://service1.symantec.com/SUPPORT/analyzer.nsf/docid/2002031510570647
Venkata: Please follow the above link
Venkata: Please let me know the status.
David: I am installing the ActiveX Controls
David: …for the third time
Venkata: Okay.
David: waiting…
David: it asked me to install again
Venkata: Please follow the link and run the online virus scan.
David: I already have
Venkata: Please install.
David: I am waiting for the active x controls to download (you tool)
Venkata: Okay.
David: how long does this usually take for dsl to download an ActiveX control? (sarcasm because I know it is screwed not just slow)
David: weird…I clicked off of the virus detection tab and onto security scan tab and back again. I see now that it says “Check your computer for known threats. Preparing virus detection scan…” We’re in business. Uggg Now it wants me to “install virus detection add on”…uggg How many things to I have to install to get what I already have installed to function?!
Venkata: Please make a note that this will take 30 to 40 minutes to scan. Duh, I have your shitty virus scan software I may have a clue how long a virus scan takes. Oh, and my question was how long the Active X download takes not the virus scan.
David: says “downloading Virus Detection controls. Please wait…” Keeps asking me to install
David: Okay…finally it is scanning
David: So I am doing this to scan for a virus that would have affected the ability of my Virus software to scan for viruses?
Venkata: Yes.
David: Isn’t that kind of ironic?
Venkata: Please make anote that this will check for the viruses. Get out really!? And I thought i was doing a virus scan for some other reason.
David: ?
Venkata: The on line virus scans the system and it will detects the viruses. (me: slaps head in amazement)
David: I understand that, yes.
David: I just think it is odd to have to do a virus scan for a virus that may have disabled a virus scanning software
Venkata: No.
David: You don’t really get irony do you?
David: anyway…I will allow the scan to complete
David: and let you know when it is done.
Venkata: Okay.

2

Cliff notes. I just keep looking at your sig

BTW Nice sig davey

3

Yeah Dave, I know your pain. I had to call in my when my iPod crapped out, and I told the girl in India that I followed all the steps in the instruction manual.

SHE READ ME BACK THE FUCKING MANUAL, VERBATIM! I had to waste a half hour going through everything I had already done, and then they sent me a new iPod in the end. Fuck me.

I guess their online rep sure didn’t see the irony in your situation. :smiley:

4

We have some DUMB mother fuckers out-sourced in India. I can’t believe some of them. Then again, we have some dumb technicians in our Canadian and US call centers too, but a larger quantity in india, so we always end up talking to them. :axe:

5

Help desk guys are paid to give stupid answers. They can’t diss their own company so yeah, they’ll just ignore that question. The bottom line is that Norton sucks. I hear you have to shell out big $$$ if you want telephone support too. I’d recommend to ditch buying antivirus and just install the shit that Shaw or Telus give away for free with their connection.

Better yet, you can just buy a mac like I did. :slight_smile:
I have no Vista and no antivirus, and I’m a very happy man. :slight_smile:

6

fuck, my norton antivirus is fucked too. And i spent 4 hours on the phone with some indie guy named Kumar. . .no joke. They charged me 89 bucks to do some scan and “fix” my computer but it’s still not fixed.

7

Holy old thread batman!