I didnt write this. Some funny shit right here though.
Professed outlook:
I have no problem with minorities. I say live and let live. My room-mate in college was a black guy, and I grew up in a black neighborhood.
Reality:
Oh. My. God. One of them just moved into my neighborhood. Fuck! Before you know it there will be used condoms in the driveway and I will be calling the police every night.
Professed outlook:
Pedophiles are so disgusting. I wish I had one of them here so I could kick his motherfucking head in.
Reality:
She is so fucking hot, I can’t wait till she’s legal.
Professed outlook:
To succeed you have to work hard. All these lazy, unemployed bums deserve to be poor, that’s how life works.
Reality:
Thanks for the job, dad! Could you talk to Uncle Ricky, maybe get a deal on some supplies?
Professed outlook: Freelance writing and editing jobs at Go Freelance. Join today for only $2.95.
I vote for the best person for the job, it’s that simple. I don’t care what color, what religion, what age, if you are qualified you should be President!
Reality:
He’s black, though, and they don’t like us. Also, “Hussein”, that doesn’t sound like an American name. Can we really trust somebody like that?
Professed outlook:
Ah confess the Lowerd Jay-sus Krahst az mah Say-vier! Ah love mah fella man!
Reality:
Goddamned sand-niggers! Nuke ‘em and take their owal!
Professed outlook:
Fucking Mexicans coming over here and taking our jobs, living on our taxes! Build the wall, Washington!
Reality:
Great job, Jesus, I couldn’t have filled this order without you. Here’s your $40.00, how about you bring some friends tomorrow night. Si, $5.00 an hour. Cash.
Professed outlook:
Bush is a Nazi! I am so ashamed of my country, we have to get them out! This is a disgrace! The Republicans have undermined our constitution!
Reality:
If that nigger beats her I’m voting for McCain no matter what. Fuck the Democrats.
Professed outlook:
I hate America! Pompous, bigoted, thieving, arrogant bastards! They deserve what’s coming to them! Look what they did to Iraq!
Reality:
What do you mean my visa application has been denied? My daughter lives in Brooklyn? She’s legal! Look, I have her address! Oh God please, give me another chance!