I noticed many places where I could see it.
The part about the girl he met in the spring. Cutting off the relationship because he felt it could possibly break the other person, somehow, someway… and didnt want others to feel the pain he had.
The part about trying to go to school, making awesome programs people would use, setting goals for himself to start leaning towards the left column I drew out earlier.
The part where he said he wanted to be a father and have a family. To give the child something he never had. “I think make a good dad” If that isnt a bright light at the end, I dont know what is. And him cutting off relationships prior to the point of possible procreation he felt was a “safer” bet I think based upon the total and I can see how justifiable lack of trust for human beings. What if he did have a child, and the mother did something horrific, or the child was molested or something by someone… he would go ape shit. In my eyes it took bigger brass balls to look at a goal he had such strong feelings for, such as being a father, and NOT going after it for fear that something he hated so much and realized how painful it was could happen to someone he brought into this life.
I think his light was, suicide. A goal if you will, knowing that at least some krazy kid might understand where he was coming from. Could remember him and better his life’s decisions after reading about his experiences and decisions.